GH: Night Shift - 1x06x07 - Kill The Pregnant Lady

Voice of God, pal! Do what I say, boomer. Mmm, I need fiber. And virgin blood.

...Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed that when Kale Browne (a.k.a. Jill Farren Phelps' former mantoy a.k.a. the insufferable Sam Rappaport on OLTL) does his usual Hospital Voice Of God schtick on GH and Night Shift so he can pay the rent each month, he is constantly calling out for different female doctors, many of whom are named "Grosbard?" In the last episode I heard him call for both "Dr. Megan Grosbard" and "Dr. Katie Grosbard," no lie. Personally? I think he's just lonely.

ALL UP IN UR SHOWZ W/O DISERNIBL PORPOISE
WASTIN UR TIMEZZ

So what did we learn from Night Shift's big two-part epic event? Well, I know what I learned: Not a goddamn fucking thing that I didn't know over ten years ago when they had that Quentin Tarantino episode of ER with the dead pregnant lady that Night Shift just totally ripped off. What the fuck was the point of this? We all know Robin and Patrick are not going to have a baby much less decide to have a baby on the SoapNet spinoff show - if that happens, it will come on the mothership. And we have seen "pregnant woman in confined space with hapless civillian" eight thousand times. I even saw it on Saved by the Bell with Zach and Mr. Belding's wife. And Tori. Remember Tori, the biker replacement for Kelly and Jesse because Tiffani-Amber Thiessen and Elizabeth Berkeley were holding out for more money? Remember - well, nevermind.


If there is anything that could make Night Shift even more of a weekly will-sapping drudgery than it already is at this point, it is the resurgence of the constant Bob Guza theme: Crazy Emotional Women Who Don't Know Better. The latest up to bat is of course Robin, who will apparently henceforth be known as Dr. HIV McBabyEater judging by the writing. Robin sobs! Robin beats her breast! Robin blames everyone for "Staaaceeeeyyyy's" death! Clinical, professional, "best of the best" Patrick grabs her, shakes her, holds her tightly, makes her see! Even cold, suspected murderess Leyla has it more together than baby-mad Robin! Enough. The sad thing is I keep hearing Guza worships Kimberly McCullough, so I'm sure he and his writers think material like this for Robin, or other women on GH, is just honoring her ability and giving her more material for great drama. Unfortunately, when he tells the same types of stories with the same "crazy wimmins" themes over and over again, it gets fucking old and tiresome and - shock! - misogynistic.

Steve vs. Vagina: ETERNAL STRUGGLE

It wouldn't be GH without Jason able to do anygoddamnthing with surgical precision. "The C-section was perfect, nearly textbook," Dr. Kelly tells Robin. Well of course it fucking was. What a surprise. I personally didn't need to hear Jason talking about shoving the towel up Stacey's crimson lagoon, but you know what, whatever. Fine, Jason can do anything. Whatevs.

There really isn't much more to say, honestly. I feel bad because we keep bumping the OLTL entry and otherwise I have been incredibly busy with work and family stuff, but really these past two NS episodes have been like the visual and aural equivalent of a bland, annoying drone in front of my face. I think anyone else who watched will agree. Like I said up top, we've all been here before - labor in confined space with helpless bystanders, tragic mother passes on, etc etc. And of course, the old stand-by in desperate subpar medical dramas that need to try to sell the audience on their show being serious-minded television: Kill The Pregnant Lady. When in doubt, ice her, guys. It "works" every time. And by "works" I mean, bores us to death. At least, I was. Bored. To death. And I expect to be again tomorrow with the return of Lainey, her demented father, and Corporal Knifelove. The problem for them is, by tomorrow they'll be out of Dead Pregnant Ladies.

Fuck it, srsly. Ho to the hum.