Jul 29, 2007

Y&R - Boywhat?

So jase got this comment on one of his entries:

Please spread the word on the Y&R botcott that is happening on the week of August 20th.

Here are the official details:

It's not enough that we not watch YR that week. We, must endorse another soap in order to overtake YR that week in the ratings. GH is the easiest, non-CBS soap to accomplish this task because it's the highest rated show on ABC.
It's only one week that could send a powerful message to LML and TPTB at CBS Daytime.

I'm sorry, but jigga what? I haven't watched Y&R in months, true, but have you seen GH? I appreciate the sentiment, for realz yo but again, have you SEEN GH? It's like trading in botulism for leprosy, it's all bad.

I don't mean to be an ass, I'm all for knocking some sense into those people but really, watching GH is not gonna help anybody but GH. Caterwauling banshee Carly, whorey Liz (you're more worried over that punkass bitch Jason than your own husband? Ugh, shut up.) and Sonny and that lady dropped in from some sad second-rate romcom (even though the actress is well-talented, the whole story is trite and treated indifferently, much like Sonny! Perfection!)? No, thanks, mofo.

While I appreciate the sentiment and goal I can't support the boycott. I think simply not watching the show would help things a bit more.

Jul 25, 2007

GH: Night Shift - 1x02 - MAKING IT RACIAL

Episode 2 of Night Shift was evidently brought to you by the National Association Of Unbelievably Simplistic Civil Rights Commentary on Gunshy Daytime Television. This (past) week, Toussaint carefully kneads his mop and reminisces about the Good Old Days, mean old Dr. Ford blames Nurse Regina for singlehandedly destroying all the progress made by "the race" (I swear) in the last fifty or so years because of a clerical error, and then Stan and Epiphany have kind of a dime store Raisin in the Sun moment. Very lame. WILLIEEEEE!!!


No, no, Jason, that's not how you mop. Let Lando show you. It's okay. Let...let him show you. Treat the mop like a, uh, a lady, or your, uh...gender non-specific equivalent. Your boss, that's fine too. Let Lando show you how to lovingly ply your mop. Caress it. Sway with it. Yeah, all right, enough. Stop it, Billy Dee.


It Had To Happen: Maxie has Ass Cancer. Are you really surprised? Are any of us? Only that it was done on a soap, perhaps, but as we are constantly being reminded by the various little outre bits like this on NS, this is cable bitches! Cable watch us go! Now, was it necessary for me to learn all the intricacies of Maxie's gross staph infection, I think no. The question is how long I'm expected to go along with Maxie's merry, disease-ridden whoredom. I will say this for her and Kirsten Storms, again; a lot of the comic dialogue with her and Sneed and later Epiphany about it is actually, well, comic, and KS actually does well with it. Frankly, if Maxie could segue into being a more concretely comic character a la Lucy Coe or her mother, with less raunchy sex, it'd be the best thing for her right now. Otherwise, the
constant plot loop of "I have crazy and medically unsafe adventures with sex and drugs/oops I have a paper heart, 'm sorry BJ!" is getting old.

And now, back to ye olde thesis statement: Dr. Ford has to MAKE IT RACIAL. Regina and her clerical errors of supposed racial inequality. "Fifty years ago, no, even twenty years ago...!" Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right, people, break it up. I can't decide how to feel about this shit, honestly, and feel a little uncomfortable addressing it as a LILY WHITE COMMENTATOR. This is really an entry for Darn but he doesn't want to blog the show. Now, it's one thing for the writers behind NS to acknowledge openly within the narrative the fact that all the characters talking about this stuff in the episode - competency, labor rights, etc. - are black and interacting together. That does take some guts, because on most soaps today (excepting the Victoria Rowell years) , you still won't see minority characters acknowledging shared heritage or cross-cultural concerns in any real way, mostly because I think much of daytime still is afraid of scaring old ladies in Peoria. That's also part of why you still don't see many black man/white woman pairings on soaps, because of that disgusting old racist trope (except for John and Evangeline, they were just gross) . I think you generally don't see a minority character on daytime aggressively addressing social concerns because TPTB are afraid of showing that minority character as being "political" or "angry" and therefore somehow "frightening" to white suburban viewers. RJ on OLTL has dreadlocks and angrily berates the police, therefore, RJ is perpetually "shady" and "dangerous" and kept off-sides, giving brilliant thespian Tim Stickney nothing to do. And therefore, you know, Brian and Claudia just hang out at the disco, or Derek Frye and Hank Gannon just stand around saying things like "Be careful, Tad" or "How are you holding up, Bo?" I dunno, Hank, maybe he's holding up the same way he was when you started asking him that question ten years ago.

So yeah, it's one thing for these characters' potential shared concerns to be acknowledged. I think that takes some courage, and I applaud Michele ValJean if she is responsible for the ratio of black characters on NS. My problem with what was done in Episode 2 is in the execution. My problem is when daytime does what it often does, just skates over the concepts in the most fly-by-night, sanitized, one-size-fits-all way, and that's what I felt NS did. Dr. Ford, Regina, Epiphany, Stan, and Toussaint are all black, therefore NS says they all must share the same or similar concerns and are dominated by thinking about them throughout the episode. And when they do talk about this stuff, they're relating it back to simply the civil rights struggle and the generational gap and then they mouth platitudes in the most two-dimensional way. That's when I think you've got a problem. You can't start to deal in a decidedly un-daytime, unvarnished idea and then shine it up and make it as PC, soap-glossy and simplistic as possible and then call it a "message show" and pat yourself on the back. I acknowledge that this is an hour show on SoapNet and you've got about forty-five to fifty minutes and numerous other storylines, but what exactly did we take from this stuff? Dr. Ford is a meanie and Epiphany is bossy and Regina and Stan are the fyoocha? It was like lazy cliff notes "message" stuff, like an episode of Growing Pains; Dr. Ford is shown as a gruff taskmaster looking back on history, but the show tells us that is all that he is, being unreasonably mean to Regina, without bothering to show us another facet to his character or elucidate on his personal experience. Toussaint dismisses him as just "a jackass" while pumping fists with Stan, who, given an activist's voice and shown positively, gets his mob connections glossed over just like Spinelli's, and Epiphany is shown as unreasonable as usual, just an "overprotective mother" (and I hate Epiphany, but also hate Stan - but I love Kiko Ellsworth) . The characters are filed into A or B-types with a little lip service to the civil rights struggle and no further dialogue or depth. That's not taking a real risk to me, and that's why I roll my eyes at NS trying to Make It Racial. They wanted to try to jolt people by dealing with almost all the black characters (except Lainey, and oh lord that is another story) and maybe get a pat on the back from the press, but they didn't want to have to do anything actually substantive or consequential. It's like the director in Soapdish on the show's new "soup kitchen in the Bahamas" storyline, full of hot model types as the "homeless" -- "we're making a statement here, people; let's not underline the statement, let's just make it!" And that's what daytime still does to this day. And that's my problem with this stuff. SHIELDS UP.


Now watch them spend all of Episode 3 on a careful, reasoned dissection of these characters. I would laugh my ass off and eat so much crow. I will say that I like the use of another hospital strike storyline a la Port Charles and Kiko Ellsworth is still a fine actor and a fine man. I am beginning to wonder if there is a mole on-staff for the nefarious "Medcam" (or whatever) that Dr. Ford talks about, who changed Regina's entry on the bypass surgery, and if that mole could in fact be mean old Dr. Ford, the least obvious suspect. That would be very Guza.

Another STFU Epiphany moment: Epiphany throws shade on Nurse Jolene about Jason; "that man there is way out of your league." O SRY PIFFNY I DIDN NO THE BLOODTHIRSTY HITMAN WUZ 2 GUD 4 ME!!

First date etiquette lesson from Jase: NO CARJACKING, ASSAULT OR POTENTIAL RAPE.


...They come together in an emotional moment, collide, and come out with a mutual human understanding, and then there are no gay people! It's just like Crash! Seriously, what the fuck was that?! Corporal Emo wants his drugs, or maybe he wants Lainey to understand his pain and go on a date with him, so he ATTACKS HER IN THE PARKING LOT. Smooth. And this being a Bob Guza show, it's all about Sgt. Macho putting his boot to the neck of the woman who's been "putting on airs." "I was making a point," Cpl. Emo tells Lainey, about his helplessness due to Gulf War Syndrome or whatever (he's a Iraq vet) . That's great. Why did Lainey not also "make a point" by taking an aluminum bat to his crotch? The man goddamn fucking mugged her in the fucking goddamn parking lot and now he wants her to take him on as a patient and go out with him. Jesus H. fucking Christ. What the fuckity fuck. I can't even, okay, nevermind. Nevermind.

I will give Dr. 21 Jump Street some props this week in his bit with Maxie, despite still being absolutely Christing ugly. "How good are you?" "The best. At what?" Hee.

There is actually no reason for my putting up this shot of Spinelli's spread legs. Um, I apologize. To humanity.

Slow episode, slow week, lame recap. Next plz.

Jul 18, 2007

GH: Night Shift - 1x01 - Marvin, He Was A Friend Of Mine

The HOT SEXY CAST of the new General Hospital spinoff "Night Shift."

Let's get this out of the way first: OH MY GOD IT IS A SHITTY CHICK ROCK COVER OF "NIGHT SHIFT." What the fuck, guys. What the fuck. Okay, moving along to the show...

...I actually really enjoyed it. It was not the height of great soap opera. Like, at all. It was not Claire Labine, it was not
Harding Lemay, it was probably not even Brown & Esenstein at their best, and I really hate them. But you know what? It was fine. It showed the hospital. It was all about the people in the hospital. People worked in the hospital and talked about the hospital. You know, like they don't do on General fucking Hospital. And it looks real, unlike GL's Benihana Memorial Hospital with the paper walls and the complimentary California roll with every surgical procedure. We even got exterior stuff and the great cheesy CGI. There's a lot of problems and flaws, the deification of Jason continues, some annoying characters, but it's just started, and you know, it's just not that bad. It's fun. One of the best things about it is making Robin (and Patrick) the emotional center, the core and the heroine. I think that should be her rightful place on GH, as a doctor, alongside people like Steve and Audrey and so on. She should be the show's conscience for the future. Kim McCullough is the best. Kim, if you're out there, we love you, honey. Nothing was the same without you, and you are slowly but surely, almost single-handedly saving General Hospital. You are my homey for life, Robin Scorpio! Ride or die. To where, I have no idea.

I guess I should also stop and take a moment to explain my quiet shame. My "secret pain," if you will. I feel it's
important I share this with you all - all six of you - so you might then be able to make an informed choice on whether to continue reading my blog entries or instead, retch in disgust and flee for the hills. You see, it's like this:


There. I know. I know, okay?! God! I am not proud of it. It's a disease, I understand that, and-and -- I know I have to make a choice to get help. But I'm...I'm not there yet. Okay? I'm just not. I'm not emotionally prepared. I am sorry, guys. I think Bradford Anderson is fucking adorable and would jump him in a second - and yet, it is horrible because no, I cannot stand the character of fuckin' Spinelli and I think his dialogue is just completely idiotic. They are really straining to invent their own unique lingo for Spinelli, and it comes off incredibly forced, these middle-aged men and women struggling to sound hip and young. Newsflash: if you have to try that hard, it's never going to work, and it's not worth it. But regardless, I think Bradford Anderson is clearly an excellent, expressive actor doing his best with the shucking and jiving caricature he is given. So let Spinelli be a bit more socialized. Let him stop talking like an autistic retard; how many times can he say "the minions of...?" "The Innocent One?" That's just desperate. "The Blonde One?" Jesus God that was stupid. It doesn't help that he's drank the mob Kool-Aid, either. Yeah, that's what we needed, another character who loves and worships the mob crew. Why can't Jason's understanding of Spinelli and his unassuming life with his grandma, along with his need for Liz and his child, be what starts to pull Jason back out of the braindead sanctimonious Gummi Bear Mob lifestyle and back towards something resembling humanity? Not that I can tolerate Jason or Steve Burton remaining on GH, because I can't, but still. Still. Meet me halfway. Because I am in love with Bradford Anderson. And frankly he's done so much theater that I...like to think I could have a shot.

...Um, gentrification.

I love the crazy dime-store CGI employed to show us the real city of Port Charles for the first time in many years (unless you count the Towering Whoreferno of 2004 in which it looked like some plastic buildings were belching
orange juice) , with everything way too big and glittery. It looks like Coruscant, the Imperial City from Star Wars. Only the finest home editing studio in WeHo for this CGI! No, seriously, it's cute, I liked it. It just could've done with a few X-Wings flitting around the skyline.

Not a system. A man.

Toussaint the janitor: Administrator of your butt-ass naked facility, all up in his bed. A man who could sleep with anything or anyone in that damn hospital. Oh, Lando, take me now. I am just happy to see Billy Dee Williams staying off the streets, okay? I will watch him do anything, Lando was always one of my favorites. Lando never got enough respect. Motherfucker blew up the Death Star! Respect. I cannot wait to hear about Lando's "mysterious past." It is sure to be lame but I am excited. No doubt he was once a rich man with wealth and power, perhaps running a
city in the clouds...full of IKEA furniture.

Lando lovingly fingers the elevator button. "Works every time!"

And now to the rest of our strictly basic cable ensemble, and the new kids. "Dr. Leo Julian" is a porn name, and this dude is gross. He looks like a 50%-off Elias Koteas from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or an uglier Rembrandt from The Warriors. Eww. "You want me to see patients, Epiphany? WHUT? Don't you know
I'm loco?!" Shutty. At least the new anesthesiologist, who we have yet to see onscreen, looks cute over on the official site. And there's always Kiko Ellsworth, but I'm afraid I can't take him seriously anymore. I find it both hilarious and sad that Kiko is right back on another soap of the exact same show, playing a thrice-recast role of the token black dude on GH, and of course they will try to put him and Kent King over in the "black corner." Ain't right. Like Lainey would have anything to do with Stan. Lainey is not the sharpest knife, but no way, especially not after the death of InJustus. Also hilarious: these two were both already paired up together on that other General Hospital spinoff. Except Lainey was a werewolf and he was a vampire! Retarded.

I know the dolls over at Serial Drama weren't too thrilled with the Weird Sisters Three, but I thought the nurses were okay except for Leyla. The "green young student" crap was overplayed but Regina reminded me so much of Myra from Family Matters, and frankly this show needs a predominantly independent new cast to survive IMHO. The more doctor/nurse characters the better. Leyla can die by fire, though. That would be fine. I noticed Kale Browne, or as I have come to call him, "DJ Welfare," was back doing the now-omnipresent and constant voice-over for the PA system. Jill Farren Phelps will not let Kale go wanting for rent money. We never heard so much radio, offscreen television and PA messages on a soap until Kale Browne got fired from OLTL. "Paging Dr. So-&-So...calling Nurse Such-&-Some Shit...I will do this for as long as it takes to pay my child support, people. You don't know what it's like out there, I could be doing industrial films. Infomercials for stool softeners. It's not okay, I used to be someone. Kassie dePaiva was all over me in our story. I'm going to end up starring in The Larry King Story on the Hallmark channel with a fake nose. Paging Dr. Drake..."

Hey, look, it's Allie Doyle! Someone finally found work! Wouldn't it be hilarious if she really was Crazy Allie incognito? I'd laugh. Just like if that mean old doctor was Dr. Grant from AMC on the '70s. Don't laugh at her, Ricky Paull Goldin, it could be you!

It's like looking into the surface of the sun.

URGENT NEWS UPDATE: MAXIE IS STILL A WHORE. I know, you're shocked. No, I'm still not over it, clearly. I will admit that Kirsten Storms is a bit more tolerable with some bitchier, witter dialogue, but Maxie as a character is just never going to fully recover from these years. And her boyfriend Coop is very hot, if dumb, useless and doomed a la Officer Jesse. At least this boyfriend appears old enough to shave. I'm still really annoyed that they want me to buy him as a cop when he was a terrorist at the Metro Court mere months ago. Coop at least has the good sense to know to cover up Maxie's monchichi, lest it cause the universe to fold in upon itself and sucks it inside her like a black hole, causing another Crisis On Infinite Earths. Good looking out, Coop.

Drugged + Hysterical % In Bed = Vanessa Marcil

As for the obvious question, who is BARRETT? Is it the Brender? I really doubt it, personally. Despite the rumors, I still refuse to believe even Typical Fucking GH is stupid enough to recast Brenda; I may have always hated her and VM, but I recognize her one of a kind persona and how closely, inextricably tied it is to Brenda; in many ways, IMHO, Vanessa is Brenda and Brenda is Vanessa. Someone had to put together the (scientifically impossible, so I hear) nitrous explosion on the ambulance. I think it's more likely that that same someone wants Jason and co. to believe BARRETT is Brenda to lure them in, or that Patient X is a relative of Useless Coop. I guess we'll see. But recasting Brenda would not give this show an auspicious start, especially if NuBrenda then immediately migrates to the mothership GH. ABC needs to not be pushing its luck with these major recasts. They got extremely lucky, one shot in a million with the Greenlee recast IMHO; Brenda is much bigger and that much harder.

Don't...don't toy with me, Bradford.

So that's it! Thank God I got this done before Episode 2. I'll see you guys there. I honestly like the show. Yes, it's got lots of flaws (all the mob apologists, right down to fuckin' Epiphany the stereotype) , no, it's no great shakes, but it's a decent enough start given the mob-infested, misogynistic show it comes from. It shows us stuff like Robin and Patrick together, working, in the hospital, and everything is coming out alright. I like it, I'm for it, and I'm sticking with it as long as my non-SoapNet self can access the episodes. Hooray. And look at that sunrise!

All screencaps courtesy of "Clarissa" at nopeekiepeekie until further notice. One more for the road: the real "Night Shift..."

Forgot about J.

Jul 12, 2007

GL Wrapup - In Which Coop Talks To His Erection


"Hark, brother! I sense peril!"

"Yours is but a flight of fancy, Richard! I sense nothing!"

"Nay, Peter! A strangeness comes over us...just as in all the times of legend past!"

"I...I feel it too, Richard! A steel that makes us hot from within! The burning time has returned! We must secure the village! The women and children!"

"Once again young Henry attempts to shield us from sight! Quickly, Peter! We must quell the storm, prevent his shaming before the buxom wench!"

"We could no sooner part the tides or turn back the sun, Richard. We are but fleshy toys to this infernal force of nature. Why, the last time
Henry's nature came upon like this, it was in that night of wild inebriated abandon with that strapping young moor!"

"Hold fast, brother! Henry flees for the privacies! We can yet survive this madness! Strength and honor, Peter!"

"Strength and honor, Richard!"

...And so, we reach the end of this long experiment. So I'm so fucking late on my last GL entry, that I decided to make up for it by doing both the Fourth of July episode, which was actually fairly important, and then covering all of last week. What better time for a recap of last week than the following Wednesday, right?...ahaha. ahem And you know, it's been good. Not so much a really good show, but good fun. By my reckoning, GL today has definite peaks and valleys. The show is holding on by its fingernails but won that head writing Emmy, which it didn't really deserve, but which I can live with it having by virtue of all the other soaps which outright suck on ABC, and by virtue of the fact that it seems like the folks at GL put their heart and soul and blood, sweat, and tears into...an incredibly miniscule-budgeted, often mediocre show. But even when it's mediocre, the actors are great, and the dialogue is pretty well-covered. And when it's not mediocre or drowning good material in a series of other flaws, it's actually pretty decent. And I'm hooked in by a few storylines in particular, so I think I may be back - and following it surreptitiously at CBS.com, certainly, since for all I know it comes on at like 5 AM here.

Hay u guiz iz mee Lillyun! ! Still on showz!!1 I lik killd Moreen lols glug glug loveme

There's really only place to start on this big mammoth fucker of a recap: Bananas cucharacha insane Beth Raines and her bugfuck crazy fucking mother. Beth, still led around loins-first by her abusive daddy figure fetish, goes into the Fourth of July ready to sell out Rick to Alan. Making him touch her belly, reminiscing about the old times back when Phillip was, you know, more or less sane and when Beth threw Rick over to fuck Phillip, Lujack, a wall, stuff like that. "MISTAKES HAVE BEEN MADE!! I know my ex-husband killed Cassie's daughter, but it's the Bauer barbecue! Be the godmother, Cassie! Be the godmother it's a barbecue! Oh, look, the baby kicked! The baby kicked, feel, Rick, feel! Feel my stomach, feel it undulate! This past year is the closest you've gotten since you were sixteen, I know, yes, I know! Every other psychopath in town since except you, yes, yes, good times, Rick, good times it's a barbecue! Would an unfit mother let you do that? My kids have all turned out so great! Could you m-m-maybe hit me, I mean, nevermind, hahaha whatamIsaying, anyway, the Bauer barbecue! Hooray everyone!" And oh Christ, Lillian. Fucking Lillian fucking Raines. I know, I know, honor and respect the vets, I agree. And Tina Sloan's a fine actress. But you know and I know there's always at least one vet on the show that's the turd in the punch bowl. For me that vet is Lillian. Crazy-ass Lillian, as crazy as her daughter, and still the biggest enabler in the world. What can you say about a woman that, all these fucking years later, still adds this priceless disclaimer to her reminiscence of Beth and Rick's adolescence: "Oh, no, it couldn't have been that year because that was the year Bradley was So Awful." And by Bradley, she means Beth's stepfather, and by "So Awful," she means "He Beat & Raped Her & I Did Jack Shit," if I remember correctly. All these years later, Lillian still calls it "Bradley being So Awful." Nice. Go polish the china and lust after other women's husbands some more, Lillian. I did notice that, terrifyingly, Buzz appears to be getting saddled with Lillian next. All I can say is oh how the mighty have fucking fallen. From Jean Carol and my homegirl Fiona Hutchison, from Mo Garrett and Crystal Chappell, all the way down to the ladder to Lillian. Run, Buzz, run!

I understand that GL got bills, okay, but it is really pathetic that the Bauer barbecue is now being held in the middle of fucking Main Street. Isn't it bad enough that everything else happens on that one tacky rundown disco set they call a street, or in the hotel? Can't you spring for a fucking backyard again? It's the goddamn Bauer barbecue. God. And then there's this little continuity liberty:


I realize this is not quite as bad as the old days when, say, Ellen Stewart's baby on ATWT would come back a few weeks later played by, like, fucking Sean Donely from GH. (Irna Phillips was crazy.) But for God's sake. Rick and Mel
had a baby like four years ago. I'm not saying this pretty girl playing Leah is a bad actress, but she is sixteen if she's a day. Come on now. Don't fuck with me on this. Yeah, yeah, I know - GL Got Bills - but just because you guys are constantly on the precipice of cancellation, doing crazy shit like weekly special episodes, dumping almost all your sets, and working as scab building laborers for extra cash, doesn't mean you should dump all pretense of even soap opera realism. Even OLTL, which aged Duke Buchanan horribly, would look at this Leah SORAS and be like, "Whoa. Watch it."



I apologize for "wombsquats."

For serious. PSSSH!

Meanwhile, Rafe continues being a Bert with his unibrow, dicking around with everyone for weeks at a time. Stealing Harley's money. "Yeah I took yo money, so what?! Whaz yo problem?! PSSSH! I'mouttahere." That's how all his scenes with adults fucking end! "PSSSH! I'mouttahere. klomp klomp klomp." Why the fuck do they keep letting him act like that? He is just such a nasty little bastard all the time and even Gus runs around like, 'let me wipe your nose and drain your fuzzy balls, you fucking sixteen year old teenage punk.' Little bastard looks like Flattop from the old Dick Tracy strip. He treats Harley like cow dung and Gus just takes it. Fuck you and your "street" sideways cap, Rafe. So after they're caught out by Harley on the Fourth, Rafe and Daisy communicate on their laptops through some insane Internet interface which looks for all the world like the Korean Internet to me, cause it sure don't resemble any browser I know - or Hong Kong, or Japan, or whatever, it's very Asian pop; anyway - and we're still being asked to believe SuDaisy has yet to finish high school, and then they run away like damn fools. Run away to...a relative's house. Hardcore, kids. Hey, do Daisy and Beth even remember being family? Amusingly, later in the week, Alan rewards Rafe's mere existence with...a laptop. Ignoring the fact that Rafe already had a laptop two days ago. Come on, Guiding Light! Stop fucking with me like this! I know you can't afford a continuity consultant anymore but for God's sake! Two days ago! Meanwhile, every single episode featuring SuDaisy and Rafe's Romeo + Juliet hijinks and their parents ends on an incredibly inappropriate youth pop song with Gus and Natalia standing together on one side, and Harley and Dylan on the other and OMG TEH SYMBOLIZZZMMM I got it the first eight times, thanks, guys.

And then there's Josh. Or as I call him today, "Father Poon Ninja." Josh has had more ass than all the proctologists in America and now he wants to be a minister, but let's put aside the most obvious problems with this storyline for a moment. It's the little things that grate. Josh drinking at the barbecue and then again with Olivia at Company, making his boner joust with Reva's, uh...vestigial pouch later on, etc etc. Acting all divine and sanguine and non-judgemental like he has not fucked almost everything inside the state line and occasionally, cloned things and then fucked their clones. Things like that. "Hey, Cassie, I just got some weird looks for getting a beer over there, is that okay? Like, I also kind of humped that girl over there roasting the hot dogs, is that, is that like, okay? I mean, I don't - I just don't know like what kind of unfair, unrealistic expectations people have for me as a minister! Um, I bent that kid from the high school ball team over a picnic table, is that a problem, do you think? God I'm sweating! Whoo! Are you hot, baby? Stupid question, haha." I'm not saying Robert Newman is not a fine actor or an attractive man, he's still a hot daddy. It's just, Josh Lewis is the high school softball dad whose cell ringtone is "Promiscuous Girl." Josh Lewis is that desperate, silverback daddy sweating it out and still going on the dance floor when the lights come up at Rage at 6 AM, still trying to dance and get some.

But of course Reverend McLotsO'Gash's faults are bigger than simply the flightpath of his johnson. No, it's about more high-minded moral matters too. Josh has discovered that Cassie, in vengeance against Alan for Tammy, has altered Beth's paternity test to show Rick as the father. What is his reaction? "I think you made a choice," Josh says stoically. "It's not up to me to decide whether it's right or wrong." Well isn't that conveeeeenient, Father O'Bukkake, except guess what: You sleep with her. Personally, I don't judge Cassie too harshly and think it's a good story for her to have gone off her rocker and done this to Alan, but as a supposed man of the (lubricant-stained) cloth, Josh is supposed to have a code. She's his saintly fiancee and she's responsible for it all, and he is now an accessory by going along. It is not an anonymous confessional when your dick is inside her, Josh. Instead, Josh drones on to Cassie with a breezy, philosophical "we may not agree on some things..." and I wonder if the writers are high. It's not like she's an athiest, Josh! She faked a paternity test! But I guess I shouldn't be surprised at Josh's lack of priestly standards when I see that the Reverend Rutledge he is working with appears to be...Jm. J. Bullock. I swear to God, he looks and sounds exactly like Jm. J. Bullock. Still very creepy, Jm. Reverend Monroe simperingly tells Josh, Cassie, and the baptism-happy parents he's interviewing that baptism "[is] the moment when we get to put a child's destiny in God's hands." You mean, when you put its head underwater? Was I the only one whose mind went to that? Also? Those "parents" getting their child baptized looked like porn stars to me. Not casting stones. I'm just -- I mean, clearly, GL Got Bills. Cast whoever you can, right? Right. I understand. I understand.


It's a daytime first y'all. Breaking new ground, like Agnes Nixon. It's a milestone! With ten little words, John Driscoll
, Caitlin Van Zandt, David Kreizman, and Ellen Wheeler have changed everything...

"Dude. Dude, what are you doing? What is going on?!"

I know, I'm a little verklempt too. It's a historic moment, daytime acknowledging the physical realities and dimensions of the male sexual organ! Was it a little crass, a little goofy? Oh God yes, but frankly, with the way American daytime still tiptoes around or completely mishandles so many raw human realities, it was kind of refreshing to see even as I was mildly mortified. Watch Coop talk to his boner, kids at home! You'll learn a lot more about sex than you ever could from John and Marlena swooning all over each other.

Coop and Ashlee are so beyond adorable though, srsly. They are teh loveness. A huge part of what makes them so cute is that Caitlin Van Zandt is so utterly different from most daytime performers - and I don't mean her weight, so you can can that old Kathy Brier cliche catchphrase right now (not to put down Kathy actually, who has been doing her best work on OLTL in years in the last few weeks) . I mean her delivery, her gestures and affect; it's incredibly grounded in a kind of unpretentious reality which you really don't see on daytime, reminding me more of someone I'd see in, say, Knocked Up - just messy verbal garbage or human tics. With that naturalism comes a lot of very real dry humor, and that dry style has totally made the banter between Coop and Ashlee naturalistic and cute. Coop tells Ashlee to be careful about Alan, and Ashlee blows it off with, "Oh, I shot him." I can't help adoring them and I hope GL keeps going as far away from the "sad, humble fat girl makes good" route of Marcie Walsh as possible. I have loved and hated Marcie, and there were reasons why.

As cute and funny as Coop and Ashlee are, there is one storyline and one actress that will make me stay with GL even if I'm not always blogging it or watching everyday; that is, of course, Gina Tognoni as the brain-damaged Dinah Marler. Jesus H. Christ. She ain't fucking around! That's too real for me, man. I've given Gina Tognoni a lot of shit since her OLTL years for what I felt became a wholly cold, self-righteous, unsympathetic and impenetrable performance as Kelly Cramer during the Jill Farren Phelps era - she was way too thin, and her Kelly became so imperious and bitchy with no self-consciousness towards the audience. It wasn't til Heather Tom sent Kelly's massive flaws up and restored her humanity that I became a fan of the character. That said, Gina T. has been a revelation as Dinah, and is doing stunning work with this brain damage storyline so far. When I heard about it I rolled my eyes; it would be so easy for daytime to bullshit away something like that. Remember Carly's "brain damage" on GH when Sonny shot her in the head while she gave birth and they used the medical explanation to try to dismiss her wanting Alcazar over Sonny? Too often they use this shit just for plot points and gloss over the uglier, realer details, the loss of comprehension, but Gina is playing all of it, and you can see Dinah's wheels turning and her spark being suppressed at every moment. She is amazing just playing Dinah trying to operate a phone, or figure out how to open the closet door again. Unfortunately, Mallet is a fucking idiot and completely oblivious; "hey, Dinah, I gotta leave for awhile, remember to program the Tivo and cook our dinner! Oh, also, um, do me some long division for our taxes! And hey, honey? Can you call the station and get my messages, and take them down in descending order by date? kthnxbabe!" Mallet appears to be the only motherfucker on Earth to not realize his wife is stumbling around, looking lost as shit cause she BRAINDAMAGED son! Good Lord. The scenes with Dinah and Matt last week were really touching. "Who are you again?" "Spartacus." Hee.


I am not saying Brian Gaskill is a caveman. I want people to know that. I am saying I think Dylan Lewis is devolving into some kind of Jack Kirby "Early Man" character, perhaps one acquainted with Devil Dinosaur. With every passing episode, he seems more bestial, savage, and also, really, really stupid. Why is it that at least a third of the adults searching for Daisy and Rafe went for the option of "our children are missing - let's stop to drink?" After one glass of wine Dylan is smashed - even I am not that much of a lightweight, Dylan - and falling all over his hotel room and "drunkenly" kissing Harley "impulsively" in what has to be the worst kiss ever. Dylan is clearly the guy at
college parties who sips some beer and is like "Oh my God, you guys, you guys, I am so drunk. I am, I, you could like do anything to me, I, I don't even know, I have to take off my clothes and get on my bed, who knows what could happen! Ohhh God!" Beth Ehlers does not appear to be able to show any kind of even remote attraction to him, and I don't blame her. Where is Morgan Englund? Why has CBS forsaken him? That man is still rock fucking solid. I can only imagine the inevitable scene in which Harley and Dylan "succumb to passion" with Brian Gaskill in the role, since that is obviously where this awful fucking story is going, if only briefly. Dylan Lewis, the over the hill tina freak who still thinks he's Meg Ryan with a cockring. And also, a Neanderthal.

I have given up trying to further express my disgust with the Olivia/Jeffrey "story." I tried last time and I think I pretty much shot the wad. How much can you say, honestly? Doesn't it really speak for itself? Oh, sure, Olivia and the writers try to breezy-philosophize their way out of it the same way Reverend Vagina-Master did on Cassie's falsifying the paternity test: "Neither one of us has ever gone for the sentimental stuff," Olivia says to Jeffrey airily as she again tries to sell him on becoming the Rapemaster to her Gatekeeper. "...It's one of those memories that defines everything." What, Olivia, like a baby's first steps? (Note: Not your rape baby.) Like high school graduation? Oh, you mean when he raped you! My bad! All this pseudo-intelligent dialogue from clearly intelligent people trying to sell the unwritable is just insulting. They try so hard to make Olivia and Jeffrey sound mature and reasonable in discussing their "unfinished business" like it was just some teenaged fling; no, he raped her, move the fuck on. Olivia agonizes that their feelings are supposedly unresolved because of "what happened" and that they must get out of "this limbo" they're in - rape is not a limbo, Olivia. Any real life therapist would tell her she's scarred and projecting all sorts of sick shit onto her early sexual experience and trying to romanticize it, but no, here on the soaps, it's just adult relationship angst. How far have we actually come from Bill raping Laura Horton, anyway? He did rape her, right? I coulda sworn. I don't understand how Crystal Chappell can play this shit and not vomit.

We also saw Jeffrey and Olivia's rape baby Ava this week being her skinny bitch self, and here's where I have to take a detour to talk about a pressing issue:

The Beacon Hotel: Lvl 2 Dungeon x 1 Triforce, no silver arrows

...So Ava comes over to talk to Olivia, okay? Comes over to Olivia's hotel room. From her own hotel room, in the same hotel. And says, "I was just at Ashlee's." You mean Ashlee's room, Ava. "I was just at Ashlee's room." Say it, Ava. Say it. YOU ALL LIVE IN THE SAME HOTEL. Ava, Ashlee, Ava's parents who are not even together, Dylan, I think maybe Beth and Rick...I know, I know. GL got bills. But this is really getting pathetic. It's like a Legend of Zelda mission map, that fuckin' place. This isn't cute, like when Search For Tomorrow did it. Just because Mary Stuart was on your show doesn't mean you can do it too. Anyway, Ava, little bitch, shows up at Ashlee's door with chocolates. Subtle ho. Ashlee kept it real by throwing that lamp or whatever at her. Marcie Walsh woulda just cried while Dead Al watched from the sidelines and shook his invisible fist.

Remy is still over in that corner, guys. Just saying. Crowded street. You could maybe go ho - no? Okay. All right.

As I've said I will give it to GL for Cyrus/Marina, they are hot and have real chemistry, even if the story is more than a bit old by daytime standards. Con man with a heart of gold, sweet heroine, etc etc. Mandy Bruno is still way too pert and sweet and dressed like Daisy on The Dukes of Hazzard to be at all convincing as a cop, but she is a fine enough actress these days (I used to detest her) and really sells her passion with that guy. When she was overcome during Dinah's coma vigil and told Cyrus to "take me home?" Hot. Just saying. Unfortunately, the problem is all the brains and feistiness Mandy Bruno's Marina seems to have just recently acquired in my eyes comes apart like a dandelion the minute she lets Cyrus and his fuckin' accent cow her. Immediately she's all softshoe-tiptoe apologetic, oh sorry Cyrus, of course I trust you, as you steal Alex's pearls and she schemes to make you her sex slave behind my back. Blah blah blah. Any time a man tells a woman "I'm doing this for us," she should know that fucker is up to no goddamn good. For a cop, like Marina, it should've been a huge flag. Instead, she acquiesces. They can do better.

Srries Jeffrey, Reva's is bigger. THIS IS SPARTA!!!

I have of course saved the, uh, best for last. As you and I both know by now, fucking Reva and her gigantic honky-tonk washboard banjo blues bar of a cooze have been sated. Yes, there's only one other man who can stand up to Reva's angry monchichi, and that is Jeffrey O'Neill, the walking sex crime. But you know - and it deeply, deeply pains and nauseates me to say this - I did not hate their drinking-&-banter scenes. I was actually amused. And I asked myself, why? Did I leave the stove on, maybe? The answer is, no, I didn't, but that was a fair question. I thought about it, and I think I know what it is. Yes, I absolutely fucking hate Reva. I find her utterly repulsive. But so much of that is tied into what they've tried to make her, which is, the supercouple damsel, the queen of love, the sex goddess who no man can resist. When introduced Reva was rough trade, right? She was the "slut of Springfield," she was open for business, only certain men could stomach her. But then Josh and Reva became JOSHXREVA, supercouple, and suddenly they're trying to sell her as Dee Hall or Genie Francis, or Queen of San Cristobel who a European prince would be unbelievably attracted to, or a time traveling maiden. It's like, have they seen Reva? Her face is like one of the Dalek pigslaves from Doctor Who. I'm sorry, but it is. She is not that beautiful and the character may be very tough and very savvy, but she is not necessarily that brilliant or that irresistible. She just loves sex and men and family, probably in that order if you ask me. And when the character is just who she really is when you have a stiff drink and take a look at her fucking face, then I can enjoy Reva. And that's what those scenes were to me - the real Reva, drinking and fucking. She seemed comfortable, she was actually funny. For once, they were not trying to sell her as some sex goddess Madonna in the pink leotard, embarrassing herself at Live Earth with dancers a third of her age...anyway, putting Jeffrey aside, it was the first time I've liked Reva in, like, ever. Reva is gross. But sometimes that can be a good thing.

Beth closes her eyes and thinks of Scott Peterson.

So there we are. It took fucking long enough, but it's my last GL entry, at least for now. I think I will be staying with the show on a recurring basis, haha, as I really like some of these stories and characters, and I may blog it from time to time. I've really enjoyed this, and I hope you, uh, have too, if you haven't forgotten about it entirely. I would not blame you. Thank God we didn't offer some kind of refund or something. Also, somewhere out there, some poor person named RoseVioletDaisy probably has no idea I shamelessly ganked most of these photos from her wonderful GL screencaps. If she finds out she is within her rights to prison shank me, I officially admit it. See you guys on the Night Shift. Oh, and we have one final GL Retro Moment. I am not going to bother with context here, all I can say to describe it is three words: Enough. Is. Enough.

...and it certainly wasn't good enough for HER.


You can either profit by this...or be destroyed.

Jul 9, 2007

Y&R Wrapup - Beastmaster + Amnesia = FWAP FWAP

Okay so it's late. Okay so it's really really late. I got tiiiiredd y'all. Don't hate. Don't hate. Um, anyway, regardless, this is the first of two entries to wind up the failed experiment that was "Darn and I switch networks," in which I did, and he...really didn't. Blame him, I do! But regardless, I owe you guys one more Y&R entry. Technically it should only have covered two weeks ago Wednesday-Friday, but I ended up getting to this so late last week that I felt bad - and decided I would do not only the second half of the previous week, but also recap for you all of that week (now, um, last week) for you too. So I am, so I will, so there! You may no longer care, but I do! It's the principle of the thing! And now...


My emotion chip is working, Dad! Ping ping ping yaaayy! MMMMMM your pain tastes like saltwater taffy, Dad. Slurp slurp. That's my tongue.

Where better to begin than with Amnesia Nick and his return from the dead. Hot Bearded Amnesia Nick. I never realized how hot and good an actor Josh Morrow was before I tuned in for this thing. Unfortunately for Phyllis, he of course does not remember being with her or their beh-beh. No matter what manner of chintzy plastic, ridiculous-looking cowboy hats or drugs or complicated sex toys Phyllis brings to the hospital, Nick does not respond! Meanwhile, hilariously, Nick's entire family seems just thrilled with Phyllis' predicament. I mean, all of them, not giving a shit at all. Actually encouraging him to forget her. Personally, I feel for Phyllis, but I love that the Newman family are just such a bunch of sour, catty bitches that greet Phyllis when she comes back from Nick's hospital room with rolled eyes and requests that she not go back. See, this is the thing: Darn lectures me, tells me the Newmans have not necessarily always felt this way about Phyl, that these conflicts are fabricated recently by LML. And I understand that, and respect that, but at the same time, there is obviously some old bad blood there, and it's being recognized. It's refreshing to me. On so many other soaps (*koffkoff*OLTL*koffkoff*) they would all play Happy Families just out of writing laziness. Look at Joey Buchanan marrying Jen "That Whore" Rappaport. Jen who had taken great pleasure in trying to ruin Joey's sister Natalie's life and sell her out to rapist maniac Mitch Laurence. Oh, sure, Viki, Jessica and Natalie were not too pleased when the marriage was announced, and were reserved through the wedding, but then that was it - "well, we have to be there for Joe." Uh-uh. The Newmans say fuck that! And I for one love it. Every unbelievably bitchy, horrible comment by Nikki or Chopper (Victoria) , I just adored it. Poor Phyllis.

All Nick wants, of course, is Sharon and his old fambleee. He apparently has lost the knowledge that Sharin' is now the Town Bike. Even Brad had her. Brad. Poor Nick, so out of the loop on the present! Cassie dead! His facial hair longer and sexier! His son, woodener and gayer! Lil' Noerrr's favorite video game, Nick is told, is no longer 007, but now Final Fantasy. Hmm. Three guesses which one:

All up in ur RPG stealin ur dress-spheres

I do think there's a lot of good stuff that's arisen out of this storyline. The whole Nick/Phyllis-Jack/Sharon paradigm has always struck me as gonzo though I think the actors all work well together. And, there were the scenes with Jack and Nick, as Jack asks Nick if he's glad Jack taught him all those Boy Scout skills. Even for a Y&R neophyte like me, that makes you go back and think, 'oh yeah, he probably did that.' His'treeeeee. I like it.

But then there's the stories and characters that are just useless. I don't think I'm out of line in saying that, upon first impression, Don Diamont, or rather Brad Carlton, whoever, is one creepy motherfucker. Kind of another daytime Patrick Bateman (c/f: Mallet, GL) if, you know, Bateman used his giant leathery cheeks to store nuts and food for the winter. I mean, Jesus, he's like Steven Seagal in a business suit. And when did Brad and Mouser (Victoria) break up? And how is she now with JT? How? Where? Why? What? When? I'm not saying Thad Luckinbill is not trading up, he so definitely is, but it's so random to me. Just throw these fuckers around and see what sticks, is the philosophy apparently. Like Brad and Sharon - what?! Does Sharon want to get kickboxed half to death like Kelly LeBrock? I ask you. I need to know.

G'day maaaate! This be me first wife, aarrrr. Mixed-up accents, yaarrr. I miss my old buddy John Amos. And my ferrets.

OMG you were on a basic cable show no one watched! Watch fucked-up daytime line up to suck your dick! When did Y&R turn into the Out Of Work Cable/'80s Stars Soup Kitchen? Nia Peeples, Tammy Lauren (who I actually like as Maggie, don't get me wrong) , and now the fuckin' Beastmaster? They could've at least got Marc Singer and his crazy looking face! Are we supposed to be impressed that little ol' daytime netted the Beastmaster? Is that why I'm supposed to want to watch this guy? It just seems like a thoroughly retarded uber-retcon (in which Thom Bierdz is a Faux!Phillip) done not to exploit story potential for Jill and Katherine, but rather done solely to introduce this totally useless, boring, bland character...who happens to be played by the Beastmaster, in which case he is deemed worth it. And, worse, is married to Amber. deargodinheaven. And I'm sorry, I don't care how nouveau riche those two are, how humble Cane's beginnings really were, but as Chancellor heirs I do not fucking buy that they were so broke that they could not get privacy at home, could not go to a hotel, and so had to fuck in his car. That's some Melrose Place reasoning right there. Late-stage Melrose Place. And I loved and adored Melrose Place. But worse, Amber as a character is just seriously tacky and base, in a way I thought Y&R was above. Adrienne Frantz ain't getting any younger and the 'ain't I a stinkah?' little girl act is getting old. Amber stories are all the same, and dragging those cartoon characters from B&B over to do guest shots is not helping Y&R. It just strikes me as a particularly embarrassing, juvenile, and worse, passe chapter in Y&R's history while they try to emulate a number of other bad soaps...from the late '90s.


As we can all see, things continue to not go well for William. He is trapped in the lion's den surrounded by Fishers/Baldwins. Even that baby probably wants him dead. Not that I care much about him, but still, it's funny. I love that Chesty McHeroic (Paul) and Det. Maggie keep visiting him and are like, "what? what's that you wrote, William? 'MRDR? HLP MEEE?' I-I don't understand, buddy. Timmy? Timmy at the well? What? How?" These scenes are so silly but so classic soap, with the dying old man and the desperate shrewish wife out to hide her misdeeds. And now the whole family is in on the act. I like how the rest of them sans Gloria all just sort of listlessly
acknowledge William, who could put them all in jail if he talks, whenever they come home. "Oh, uh, haha, hi...yeah." Lauren's reactions are particularly hilarious. "Here, watch William for awhile, Lauren, you have nothing to do this afternoon, right? Right. Watch our legal liability." And then she and William keep trading eyes to shifty eyes. AWK-WARD! And so funny. I could talk about Gloria's continued facial hilarity, but really, Judith Chapman speaks for herself.

youarepushingitmyfriendyouarepushingit. do you know why they call me the gray death? letmeshowyou. Iammadeoflaffytaffymotherfucker.

Once again the primal, lustful savagery of Victor Newman rages forth to lay claim to his woman as he clocks David Chow! Oh, the ladies loved that - in 1982! No, what can I say, I still love it, it's awesome. Victor has basically become Robert Shaw from Jaws to me, except no boat or shark, just one crazy fucking old man. His speech patterns are essentially the same. To this day I need closed-captioning to understand about a third of Quint's dialogue in that movie. Nikki rushes forward to defend David and momentarily forget about her other ongoing love affair with Entemann's baked goods - I'm sorry, that was low - but she just doesn't understand. Victor does! Victor in his rough and ready "casual wear." Suit jacket and blue jeans, like fucking Robert Redford out at Taos or something. "The hipness." Come on. Robert Redford isn't fooling anyone anymore and neither are you, Victor. Victor knows it issab-o-taaage that blew up Nick's plane. Just like that, sab-o-taaage. And I, for one, believe him. Because he might hit me. And then I would have to take a fake stunt fall and pretend to be hurt, just like David.

Straight as hell.

And of course Kevin has an insane scheme to trap Jana. I realize by the time I post this it's actually several days after his insane scheme to trap Jana, but give me a little credit for working a week longer than my original brief, 'kay? I know I'm behind on the times, a relic of the past. Anyway, Kevin's brilliant plan involves nearly killing himself and mating his car to a tree while still in it, and Greg Rikaart absolutely revels in it. Kevin in his hospital bed of pain, croaking out gleeful demands upon everyone, miming 'scissor fingers' at Colleen as he insists she tell Jana he is still in surgery - priceless. I will give Wolf Girl this - the Kevin/Colleen chemistry works, to me. Yeah, I know it's sick, but it's great. The subtext GR seems to play to me is that he knows there's something weird between them, knows he can wrap Colleen around his finger because of it, and sort of tries to play it off while obviously keeping it bubbling at the surface of their interactions, and in his subtle taunting of Korbel. He's just great. And the scenes with him and Michael after Michael cottoned on to his plan were lovely. These characters are OTT in some ways, certainly, but LeBlanc really infuses his struggles to get them to articulate their feelings and the gulf of difference in perspective between them with a lot of emotion and reality. But where Michael wants to get through to Kevin, Kevin just lies there, fucked-up and battered, pouting. He doesn't want to hear it, or at least is too young to care. On another show, it would be a TENDER MOMENT where Kevin acknowledges to Michael he understands but won't change yet. Here, Kevin is just too young, stupid (but brilliant) , and self-destructive, and so there is no resolution to the issue and the family dysfunction continues. And that makes perfect sense to me.


Apparently I am the only one who caught the unintentional hilarity of "porn addict" Daniel telling Lily he will "enjoy his shower," and her blithely responding, "I know you will." FWAPFWAPFWAP Only on American daytime television would a story about an addiction to Internet pornography go by without even a passing reference to masturbation. This is like that hilarious Lifetime movie with Kelly Lynch and the boy from Peter Pan who gets addicted to porn and doesn't jerk off, just is shown sitting in his room drinking Red Bulls for days. Judging by Daniel's reactions at the shrink's office, apparently watching porn and not jacking it makes you jerky, sweaty and Lee Strasberg Method twitchy, as though you were doing coke. Fine, okay. I did enjoy seeing another Fallen '80s Player in the role of Daniel's psychiatrist, BTW, a woman who I must be the only to know the name of - character actress Lisa Waltz! Best (un)known as the hapless wife of zombie sheriff Clancy Brown in the horrible Pet Sematary II, who is killed along with her son in a hair band metal-tinged vehicular homicide attack near the end of the movie. Remember that? Yeah. Go back and check, I'll wait. It's her. Keep on paying for the kids' college education, Lisa Waltz.

See? Lower right.

I'll go heat up the lasagna.

Does Logan's character role strike anyone else as basically Lee Grant's from Valley Of The Dolls? Anyone? No? Just saying. Same creepy aloofness, same sexual vibe, same random lines. Okay. Nevamiiiind.

...So that's it for Y&R. Finally. I'm sorry it took so long and that it's still out of date, but I have been busy with job hunting and I did feel a responsibility for ONE OF US! to fulfill our cross-network obligation. I've actually really enjoyed the show though I can tell it's not what it was, and maybe I'll keep up with it. I do have one more GL entry to do - God knows what I'm going to do there, since I had written up my last scheduled episode, but that was, uh, almost two weeks ago. I want to try and make it somewhat current, so I'll work something out. Should be up tonight or through to the weekend. Also coming soon as soon as I can find ALTERNATIVE MEANS to watch it is a take on General Hospital: Night Shift. I am desperate to blog it but do not have SN. If anyone has ANY IDEAS AHEM please to let me know, otherwise I might have to beg my friend Anna. And that would be shameful. kthnx.