Y&R - Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?

Since the chances of me doing anything on Friday's show before tomorrow are slim to none I give you this image. It stems from a discussion at TWOP and well, it's kinda frightening seamless.

Y&R - Wednesday - Pack Your Secret Penis...

We're Goin' Tah Chinatown!

Ashley is very, very stupid. It'll be a cold day in hell before I let my brother make me leave town because he's not so nice. The reasons for her exit couldn't be any flimsier or less livedehtsikcaJ-centric (thanks Bill C!).

Jack is evil? I sure wouldn't have known if the ultimate evil hadn't made it abundantly clear today. Thanks, Glo, you're top notch! If your lady business wasn't full of barbwire, a suspicious odor and meth I would totally ask you to bear my children, you're just that special.

Brad: We're going into hiding.
Me: YAY!
MamaBrad: No, no, I'm too old!
Me: BOO!
Brad: But--
Me: YAY?
MamaBrad: Oy, no, oy.
Me: BOOOOOOOOOOOO!

This is why I hate old people. If you're so goddamn old why don't you just stop? Being old. Alright, that argument has fallen apart. My point is that I hate all old people on this show not named Katherine.

Speaking of Katherine, wow were their scenes badly written but damn do Jess and Jeanne bring the *~*~*~Magic~*~*~*. Jill's ice cold stares, Kay's freaking out, that's all them. Fuck the story, they're what you tune in for. Thanks ladies but bringing the *~*~*~Magic~*~*~* back.

I know this would have been better suited for Tuesday's show but sometimes inspiration doesn't hit you until a day later.

Sure, unbridled hatred isn't what we're supposed to take from their scenes but it sure is fun when we do.

Y&R - Monday - Magical

So...wow, I must have missed the press release, when was this show renamed The Kay and Jill Hour? Because I literally saw nothing else (which made the show 10 minutes long and I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THAT) and if you try to tell me otherwise I will call you a liar and kick you in the nuts. Hard.
Jeanne Cooper and Jess Walton are utter, utter *~*~*~Magic~*~*~*. Here is a case of two expertly talented actors rising so far above the material that they can't even see it anymore, they're inhabiting their characters and daring you to look away. That is something special, truly special.

Could I have Jill trying to choke a bitch every day? The idea of that fills me with joy and puppies and rainbows and sunshine and all sorts of goodness. So in honor of that a video. It's short and silly but if I could watch it all day I would.

Y&R - Thursday - Boooooooop...

Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? Now Ashley is accusing Jack of murder? NOW ASHLEY IS SUGGESTING THAT JACK WOULD KILL HER? Does anyone watch this show? Does anyone know the histories of these characters anymore? At all? I am just astounded. And angry. Truly angry. Because this is just bad. Bad writing, horrible, insulting, ignorant writing.

So wait Victor is also suggesting Ashley go over seas for his own selfish, underhanded needs and yet he's The Great and Powerful Oz. Unbelieveable.

Just when I think I don't hate almost every character on this show...it turns out I do.

Ashley: For old time's sake.
Victor: Hmmm...I'mnotsureNikkiwouldapprove.
Ashley: She doesn't need to know.
Victor: I'm not sure Ihaveenough.
Ashley: Oh, I just need a sample! Here's a cup. And...a little tit. Get to work.

"O"

FACE

Hey Nick, you turned your father into the authorities for illegal business activities and he's been over that for about a year now, I doubt lying about Brad's secret is going to cause him to hold much of a grudge.

Oh why couldn't they continue with Colleen's eating disorder storyline? I was so prepared to mock it. And her. And you know fat jokes are easy (not that I like them but they are easy). And I'm lazy. Fatty sure does get a lot of ass for a fatty. Ah, that's better. JT and Colleen having break-up sex was pretty hot I must say. Even if she is one fickle little thing.

And because I can't get over the heavyhandedness of Jack being turned into a villain, here's how Nick and Phyllis discussing Jack came across to me:

Phyllis: Jack is building a nursey for Summer.
Nick: Wow, Jack? Our Jack?
Phyllis: Yes, can you believe it?
Nick: I thought he'd be too busy raping the elderly.
Phyllis: In between stints of shanking orphans.
Nick: And punching cancer patients.
Phyllis: And eating manatee.
Nick: He did help deliver our baby.
Phyllis: Yes and I'm sure he loved every minute of it. Just one last, long look at my Secret Garden.
Nick: You are making me so hot right now.

Y&R - Monday - Ostrich Feathers, Anyone?

Detective SmokesALot: I doubt any of my ex-boyfriends could recall what earrings I was wearing a few months ago.

Oh but sweetheart, this is Jack and Jack? Is a little gay.

And "ex-boyfriends"? Fine, okay, whatever.

They're really hurting Professor Korbel's whole "sophisticated, worldy man" by having him sleep with the walking cesspool that is Amber Moore. And "Professor McArtsy"? More like Professor McBarfsy. There is a reason I don't watch Grey's Anatomy.

Thank you, Michelle Stafford, for reminding me lately that you can act. Because for a six month stretch there I was questioning your capabilities.

If LML plays this right, and God I know she won't, this post-partum depression story could be Tracey E. Bregman's Emmy. Because she is giving one terrific, nuanced and unforced performance.

HEY *, HOW'S YOUR HUSBAND? IS HE ALIVE? DID HE DIE? DID YOU LET HIM DIE? WE'LL NEVER KNOW NOW WILL WE? STOP PLAYING ALLY TO HER KATE, ROBIN TO HER BATMAN, DUMB TO HER ASS!

Hey, Mikey, maybe it's none of your goddamn business what Paul is doing. Insufferable jackass. Except when he kisses Finn and Lauren, then I forget that he gets on my nerves (sometimes). I also forget that Paul is a ShineyChestedBitch when he dances so sweetly with Lauren. What's great about it is that it was completely platonic and not *~*~*foreshadowing*~*~* of some adulterous affair.

I am SO GLAD that this YouTube poster has uploaded a bunch of old Y&R clips. Especially the ones with Jill and Katherine, I can see first hand for the first time how truly, truly hateful their rivalry was. AND that Kay, the one from 20, 30 years ago would have switched Jill's baby, the hate in those old clips is just palpable.

All in all Y&R was very good today, if you ignore the fact that Colleen, Prof. Fuckbot, Lily and Amber exist anyway. However it was merely good, it wasn't priceless, Brenda Dickson's home movies (that's what they are, right? Someone stole them from her home and illegally distributed them, right?) are priceless. A national treasure. They don't make women like her anymore, nosiree. She is a delight, a true delight.
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PART 2:


Hmmm, orange or dark orange? Decisions, decisions.