Y&R - Tuesday - Whore Vs Whore

Y&R inspired me in so many ways today. Well, a few ways. Two ways. Two. But still inspirational!

In the spirit of fairness, although I am unapologetically a Jackboy (sorry), I decided to create some campaign buttons for both candidates, ENJOY!







And because Nikki's hair brought absolute, unadulterate, mind-tingling, loins gasping, thighs sweltering joy to millions I give you...a dialogue:

Darn: Oh, hai thur, ho thur Nikki!



Nikki: Hi Darn! Smooches!
D: Nikki, baby, papa starvin'!
N: Oh my poor baby, I can help!


D: Oh-Emm-Gee, thank you babe!
N: Not a problem, darlin'!
D: Now you know I can't have this without some coffee!
N: Who loves you?



D: You do! Okay, I don't mean to sound ungrateful but cruellers aren't my faves--
N: Sounds like a job for Nikki!


D: Oh...wow. You're amazing. Yum-o!

[munch, munch, munch]

D: Hey, got anymore pastries?



D: I said PASTRIES, woman!
N: Hey, I had a spare. [shrug]

Y&R - Friday - Blogging Live

12:30 : Looks like mother and daughter have something in common: Bitchery. It's nice to know business doesn't interfere with their personal lives until...it does. And then they act like children.

12:32 : If Neil wasn't so devoid of personality I would totally be down with Dru/Neil and Sharon/Jack being bestest buddies and my favorite couples on this show. Damn you, Neil!

12: 35: Nikki and Victoria need to grows the fucks ups. "Well, we're gonna show you guys! Hmph!"

12: 37: OMG, KORBLEEN, MAH SCREEN SHE IS ON FIYAH! MAH SEXUAL MUSCLES ARE MELTIN'!

That is the last time I mention my sexual muscles. Ew.

Remember when JT was the bad boy with a heart of gold who was the only person to show up to Colleen's recital? I do.

12:40: Haha! Kowbell! Someone's a TWOP fan. I'm pretty "Whatever" to Colleen (except to make fun of their fans enthusiasm for them, I still love you guys, smooch) but JT is on the money with Korbel's superiority complex.

Not crazy about Dru's flat and listless hair. Though the V-Necks are working. Whirr-kin.

12:42: Brad: Vicky's staying in a hotel tonight.
Victor: I know from angryandvengefulwives. She'll be backonyourjocktootsweet myboy. Tootsweet!

12:47: It's kinda funny how no one is happy for Sharon and Jack except for Dru and Neil.

Oh my god, Nikki and Vicki STFU! Have you met Victor Newman? He doesn't give a shit what anyone anywhere thinks! If it didn't originate from his old man mind (those damn kids!) then it isn't a good idea! This "HOW DARE HE?!" and "I AM SHOCKED!" shit just looks absurd.

12:50: Go to hell, Phyllis.

12:55: AH DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, KORBLEEN ARE TALKIN' BUT ALL I CAN HEAR IS--OH OH OH M,Y GAWD SHE PUT HER HAND ON HIS KNEE! HANDJOB, ANYONE? ANYONE? OHMAHGAWDYOUGUYS!

Colleen has a blog? Shout-out? Fuck yes. I bet it's a MySpace, with pink streamers and sparkly puppies. And Britney from like 1999 playing even when you press stop on the auto-player.

1:00: When the fuck was Brad supportive? When was he even honest with you? How I wish the RELIQUARY never happened but it DID and Brad is not some perfect husband. What was the point of that year long shit if it didn't cause any cracks in their marriage? Brad makes a business decision that goes against Victoria and he's suddenly the Big Bad but Brad has a past that NEARLY GETS HER FAMILY KILLED and she's "Okies, baby, I unnerstan yer posishunn!"? That makes no sense.

1:09: Maggie and Phyllis are in a constant battle over who had the less manly face. I think Maggie wins this round, she looks pretty.

Neil is the most efficient house negro around. You drive that carriage, boy!

1:12: Nikki has yet to teach her daughter the ways of the abusive relationship. You go back as soon as fucking possible.

OT: I can't believe Amelia Heinle and Thad Luckinbill got married just cause she's knocked up. How Puritanical of them. What is it, 1950?

1:16: NO MORE KORBLEEN YOU'RE TOO HOT ICAN'TSTANDIT! THIS SHOW, THIS SHOW, THIS SHOW IS ON FIYAH! WHAT'S THAT SMELL? OH IT'S JUST MY CROTCH IN FLAAAAAMES!

You know what I like to discuss post-coital? My ex-lovahs.

1:25: I like Vincent Irizarry but he just looks so...

Yeah.

1: 27: Yeah, okay, Phyllis, you think Nick's blank expression means he's thinking. Sorry hon but no. You married a mannequin come to life. You married Kim Cattrall. Accept it, embrace it, use him for his body.

Y&R - Tuesday - Mina Murray Has Competition

In Gloria's case scarves only have one purpose: Strangling.

How funny are Gloria and Jill judging clothing? I love Jill but half the time she looks like a damn gypsy. How many necklaces and bracelets can one woman wear? My neck and wrists are having sympathy pains. As for Gloria I just assume she has Bob Mackie throw up on her every morning.

Gypsy



Tramp



Thief

Also gypsy and tramp.

Nikki's hair? What? WHAT? Is it 1985? Is she in a mall? Get me something from Cinnabun! I'm waiting patiently for the side ponytail.

The one thing missing from Sharon's ensemble? Eyepatch.

Nikki: So Victoria, now that the boys went to the washroom, I don't know why they went together but they did, I have a question for you.
Victoria: Okay, shoot, mom.
Nikki: Does Brad do that...thing?
Victoria:...thing?
Nikki: Yeah, that thing he does. You know, that thing.
Victoria: I'm not sure what you're talking about.
Nikki: Okay, okay, let me show you [Nikki stands] you climb on the bed, right? On all fours, being just on your knees isn't comfortable at ALL, so you're on your knees and he gets behind you. Now you have to make he's cut his nails because, ouch! Hahaha! Okay, he comes up behind you like this [Nikki puts her legs akimbo and scoots forward] and kinda just [Nikki makes a thrusting motion with her hands] and you're like "Wow!" so he--
Victoria: MOM!
Nikki: What? What did I do?

General Warning: Never let Amber sit on your couch. If you have to ask why then you deserve to have Amber sit on your couch.

"You, I lust. You, I love. What ever am I to do?"

If someone had told me Daniel was going to be into beastiality I wouldn't have bothered liking him in the first place.

Y&R - Doo Doo Brown

Hey guys! I know it's been a while but busy, busy, busy (lie, lie, lie)! Anyway, I got this in mail today, it was shipped to me through UPEx, which is apparently, after some exhaustive Googling, some sort of low-rent shipping company. This was sent like 5 weeks ago. From Hawaii. I know.

Okay, so I opened it and I say to myself "Toilet paper? For realy-o's? My ass ain't itchy.". Yeah, I said that. Out loud. You wanna fight?

Back to my package, turns out that no one thinks I have a continence problem, they just wanted to share their story, I took this picture to pass along their tale to the world...

(Click for clarity)

And just because I think this picture is fucking hilarious, here ya go:



Oh fuckitall, this is just gonna be a picture post, I don't care anymore! No more! ARGH!
Shirty shirt SHIRTS! They're the same from before but I've had the links just sitting there in my Imageshack account and figured "What the hell? It's my blog, I could put up animal porn if I wanted to!".

I do not want to.

(again, click for clarity)

Edited to add: Actually don't click, they're unclickable! And I'm a dumbass.

Y&R - Ok...

Since Lynn Latham is apparently fond of doing PSA's, I figure it's time we here at The Wreck Center did one of our own.

New Viewers, it's great that you've begun to watch our show.

We're always welcome to new viewers getting to know the various denizens of Genoa City as we all once did.

However, we don't appreciate being lectured at by new viewers when characters we as longtime viewers have watched for years, blatantly begin to act out of character to facilitate extremely plot dependent stories.

Sincerely,
Management

Y&R - Friday - Most. Boring. Porn. Ever.

Porn, porn, porn, porn, porn, porny, porn, porn. Porn.

That should get us a few hits.

So Amber's in the business of making the dullest porn in the history of porn? "Oooh, this is my baby voice, I'm gonna walk around my grandma bed and prance and preen and reek of genital warts. Oooh, baby, baby, oooh, baby, baby." You are no Salt-N-Pepa (and Spinderella), Amber Whoore.

"Nothing comes between me and my Valtrex. Except penises."

Every time she walks I expect...droppings (Vaginal droppings. Oh stop it, you are not that delicate.). And none of that was sexy. Maybe to straight dudes it was sexy. I don't know. But all I could wonder is if the paleness of Amber's face is due to bukkake.

Hey, I'm not nasty, they put porn in my show (all up in my show), blame them.

And is Nick now officially mentally handicapped? Because what man associates bathing his infant daughter with fucking his wife in the tub? Yeah, I used to think they'd do it on Cassie's grave but I now realize they'd do it on Summer's too. God, they're sexy. Sex-ay.

Porn, porn, porn, porn, porn, porn, porn, PORNO, PORNOS, PORN, PORN, Poooorn!

PORN!

And one last one.

POOOORN!!!!!!

porn

Y&R - Put On Your Happy Face

Peter Bergman: Hello Lynn.
Lynn Marie Latham: JackJackJack! HAHAHAHA, how are you? How are you?!
PB: I'm well. I've been meaning to talk to you.
LML: Abooooout? Wait, waitwaitwait, don't tell me, don't tell me! I know! I know what you want to talk about, I do!
PB: ...
LML: ...
PB: Well, go ahead.
LML: ...What? Oh WAITER, come back here with that tray! Mama got a taste for the devil's piss, she do, she do! [gulps wine]
PB: Lynn, look, we've been number 1 for 18 years now. That's a pretty long time.
LML: 18 YEARS?! YEARS?!
PB: Yes, 18 years, which coincidentally nearly matches how long I've been on the sh--
LML: YEARS?! That's like...that's a lot, Jack, I think you're wrong.
PB: No, no I'm not. Ed said 18 and so did the cake.
LML: You're wrong, Jack. I haven't even been with the show 18 years! I mean, HAHAHAHAHA!
PB: It's Peter.
LML: Oh, oh, OH, is it, Jack? Are you coming on to me? Think you can handle alla dis? Mama don't think so. But if baby wanna try--
PB: Good lord, no.
LML: HAHAHAHAHA! I'm blitzed.
PB: You've had one glass.
LML: I'm drunk. With power. You see that one over there, the "blonde" with the tits and the face?

LML: Gonna give her the gonorrhea.
PB: What? Nikki's gonna cheat on Victor?
LML: No, she's gonna get spontaneous gonorrhea. I just made it up! I made it up! Did you know I could DO THAT? When they told me I could do whatever I just about died. My name is Lynn--Lynn what? Lynn...Marie...Latham! Uh huh, oh yeah, uh huh, oh yeah--
PB:...please stop. So what next? What's next for ol' Jack?
LML: You keep coming onto meeee and Jackie's gonna get a spin-off, hint, hint, shrug, shrug, grope, grope, HAHAHAHA! No. I've hired this new guy for you, wonderful man, such a visionary, really forward thinking. Bit of a futurist you might say.
PB: Oh really? What's his name, I might know him.
LML: James. E. Reilly.
PB: You...sick...bitch.