Y&R - Friday - People I Hate

Gloria needs a stiff kick in the ass.

I hatehateHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATE HER.

Does she have one redeeming characteristic? No. She's not funny anymore, you know why? She killed someone. She doesn't have true love for her children, you know why? She uses them whenever the mood suits her. She doesn't truly love John, you know why? She wouldn't purposely put a wedge between him and his children if she did. She expects him to accept her criminal kids but JackJackJackJack is so meanmeanmean and Ashley is notnotnotnice! And I don't buy for a second that she's afraid John might die, not for John anyway, she's worried about losing John for herself. Fuck John and his kids and grandkids, Gloria's losing HER husband! WahWahWah!

And someone needs to check the nutty heifer for Grave's disease because her eyes are thisclose to rolling out of her head and having a couple of kids play marbles with them. Either that of she's part Muppet and I like Muppets.

Love the Daily/Dily/SitOnIt but it's a little too soon for them to be reconnecting, don't you think? Though those two are clearly miserable without each other. Poor kids. And wow, does Kevin not need to be giving relationship advice to Daniel about Lily, the girl he statutorily raped. Are we supposed to forget this? It certainly feels like we're supposed to forget or brush aside their sordid history. That's a real shame, it would help this iffy storyline immensely.

Dru: Sweetie, what time is it?
Neil: Time?
Dru: Yes, sweetie.
Neil: Time is a fragile thing. Like a house of cards built on lies.
Dru: Honey, the time.
Neil: Built on lies and untruths.
Dru: Baby, I just wanna know the time.
Neil: Time is a construct. Time is like our marriage, a construct made up of deceit and trickery. Deceit and trickery and deception and falseness...sities!
Dru: Dammit, I just want the motherfuckin' time.
Neil: Liar, liar, pants on fire!

Okay, okay, fiiiine, Dru lied about the paternity of your child for 18 years, she slept with your brother (raped by your brother unwittingly, let's not even go there) but Dru is SO right about you, you self-righteous prick. You may realize that you've made mistakes but do you acknowledge them? Hardly.

If you're gonna be mad, be mad, man up! That's right, yell! Now check your pants, I think one of your balls may have finally dropped.

High five? High five! No? Too soon? Too soon. Alright.

Y&R - Thursday - Arts & Crafts

Oh, hi!

Sorry, I'm kinda busy.

Just doing a little art project, I'll be with you in a sec, okay?

[tinka, wrrrr, tinka, tinka, grind, mesh, shimmer, tinka]

Done! You like? God, it took me forever. Like 30 minutes forever. I am exhausted.

Sure, Victoria, go to Pearl Art Supply and buy the materials necessary to replicate a centuries old re-li-qua-ry. SURE, WHY NOT? OKAY! MAKES SENSE! EXCUSE ME WHILE I DIE SLOWLY!

A few questions (questions because today was exceedingly tedious and anvil-heavy):

Why do Jill and Katherine like Gloria? It doesn't compute. She is a classless, loud-mouthed nutjob who conned John for months, they have absolutely no reason to like this woman much less respect her ideas. Makes no sense and I don't like it.

John's getting out of prison, he's getting his job back, my gosh, what could possibly go wrong? Gloria's happy, Jack's happy, Ashley happy, everyone is HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY! I think Jesus just pooped some puppies and rainbows. What could possibly, possibly go wrong now?

Why do Nick and Brad look perfectly well kept yet Victoria looks like she hasn't bathed in a week? Sharon looks more put together.

Wouldn't it be cool if it turns out Michael is part black? Cause you know it's kinda funny that they're doing a story centered around an event (Hurricane Katrina, and don't let me start on that before I get all mad and political, grrrr) that mostly effected black people centerd around a white guy.

What exactly are Paul and JT doing? Don't answer that. Me don't care.

Y&R - Wednesday - If Only We Were So Lucky

"Nothing would warm the cockles of my heart more than to see your butt behind bars, believe that! >snick!<"

Boy does Dru looks nuts sometimes. Looking like Beloved and twirling her hair like a loon. I love you, girl, you know that, but rein it in (though good job putting your castrated significant other on notice).

Thandie Newton wants her role back.

Not to say I don't love Neil and Dru hating on Daniel. He deserves it. Even if you take away the fact that it was Lily; he still set it up to have a girl attacked. That's horrible and frankly, they should never forgive him.

But Lily should.

Why?

Why ask why?

Seriously stop asking why.

I said "stop", goddammit.

I like art. I'm an artist. I took art history. Art history interests me greatly. Leonardo was a genius, Rembrandt's command of light and dark is astounding, Warhol was mad crazy and brilliant. That said the only way this story could possibly, conceivably interest me in the least is this:

Or this:

Or this:

If you're not any of these things, then Shaddup.

Oh, Sharon got shot in the head?

That'll leave a stain. A little club soda will do the trick for that sharp looking suit you're wearing, Mr. Nazi. Thank you, Heloise.

Y&R - Tuesday - Snip, snip, EuNeil

I apologize now for the excessive amount of caps in this post. Read at your own risk.

SOME WANT IT ALLLL BUT I DON'T WANT NOTHIN' AT ALLLLLL IF IT AIN'T YOU BABAAAAY IF I AIN'T GOT YOU BABAAAAAAY [HE LOVES YOU, LILY, GIVE HIM A CHANCE!]
SOME PEOPLE WANT DIAMOND RINGS [SHE DOESN'T NEED DIAMOND RINGS, SHE NEEDS HER DANIEL!], SOME JUST WANT EVERYTHING BUT EVERYTHING MEANS NOTHIN' IF I AIN'T GOT YOOOOOOOOU [HER WORLD IS NOTHING WITH HIM, COME ON!]

SOME PEOPLE NEED THREE DOZEN ROSES [ONE ROSE, MAYBE TWO. A DOZEN, ONE DOZEN AND WE'RE COPACETIC!] THAT'S THE ONLY WAY TO PROVE YOU LOVE HIM
HAND ME THE WORLD ON A SILVER PLATTER [SHE'LL TAKE BRONZE, IT'S ALL GOOD!] AND WHAT GOOD WOULD IT BE WITH NO ONE TO SHARE WITH NO WHO TRULLEEEE CAAAARE FOR MEEEEEE [SHE CAN'T DO IT ALONE! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? Why won't you understand?!]


IF I AIN'T GOT CHA WITH ME BAAAAABAY
Oooooh, OOOOOhh, [this is the part where Alicia starts to break down a bit] see nothing in this whoooole wide world, if I ain't got cha with me BAAAAaaaaaay

If...I ain't got cha...with me...babaaaaay...

[silently weeping]

Listen to it for yourself and tell me that you don't cry too! If you don't you're a soulless creature--GET OUT! GEEEEEEET OUT!

Alicia Keys - If I Ain't Got You - free MP3 - *dead link*

Wow, wow, WOW, your son's life is literally FALLING APART around him and all it takes is a fucking TEXT MESSAGE from NICK for you to drop Daniel and go RUNNING to your Newman cock? You're PITIFUL, Phyllis.

Phyllis has been in 4 relationships on this show, Danny, Jack, Damon and Nick. [Clair Huxtable]And LET THE RECORD SHOW[/Clair Huxtable] never before has she played second fiddle to her significant other. Not with Danny or Damon or Jack most importantly, importantly because Jack is by far the most layered and dynamic screen partner she's ever had. That's not a dig at Nick or the other two, it's just that Jack is a multi-layered character with tons of history played by a fantastic actor. And he never, not once overpowered her in a storyline. They were screen PARTNERS. She didn't run around town going "Oh, Jack,oh, Jack, Jack, Jack.". No, she remained her own person throughout that relationship. Why is she so needy and useless right now? It makes no sense and is completely unacceptable.

I don't know whether to revoke your Bitch Card or your Edge Card. Decisions, decisions. How about BOTH?! Yeah, that's right. THAT'S RIGHT!

You all realize I'm doing this while knowing full well that she's out of town, right? Even de-clawed she's still kinda scary. A little.

HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT! Neil, you don't DESERVE a PENIS!

>snip!<

That's right, MOTHERFUCKER! It's gone! I just went Lorena Bobbitt on your ass! And we thought you were a eunuch before, now it's FOR REAL.

Y&R - Monday - Eep!

Jana: I'm so glad we got that fellow who tried to blackmail ye!
Gloria: Yes, my young foolishness coming back to haunt me. That photographer, oh. And I believed him when he said I had a nice body. And a plump, tight ass. And nice perky tits. He was truth-teller, he was.

I like Jana's kaleidescope hair. I like Jana. I think only because Gloria and Kevin are so so so evil and she's just supernice and British and colorful. She offsets their self-centered assholery.

Victoria: Geewilikers, guys! If we don't find the re-li-quar-y Sharon might ::gasp:: die!

Brad: We have to get to Sharon before the Notzis do!

Nick: Eep! Well, gu-gu-gosh!

Phyllis: Oh, we'll never find Sharon this way! Maybe we should contact the FBI!

[they all turn and glare]

Phyllis: Or not.

Victoria: We have to use this book! And the internet! And my expansive knowledge of religious artifacts. Take that necklace you're wearing, it's a cross! A cross is a lower-case T!

Phyllis, Brad, Nick: Woooooah.

Noah: Rooooooah!

I kinda hate all of them and want them to die a fiery death...in fire. I enjoyed the mention of Nikki's sister, they hardly ever mention her. And loved when Nikki ran in as they were arguing and said "Stop!" then proceeded to mention that Victor is still missing too. And they could not give less of a fuck that the man with recently disagnosed epilepsy is missing. It was fairly fucking wonderful.

There's one word for the reaction you should have when you find out your son-in-law had it setup for your daughter to be attacked:

THROTTLE!

Neil, I expect that from you. Your mission in life is to disappoint me personally. But Dru, sweetie, my baby, my heart, my love, you should have gone Bookcase on his ass. It's okay, one misstep in 5 years, I forgive you. It's okay, don't cry, I'm still here. No, no, I'll rest my head on your bosom. Better? Better.

John and his fabulous son Jack talking about spas and make-up and Jack being his typical flamboyant self is so astronomically G A Y that you can't help but love it.

And not that I think I'm hot shit or anything but I've added a mailing list thingie. ONLY BECAUSE I don't update everyday and I'd hate for you guys to not visit because of lack of updates. So, yeah. Not hot shit (let's take a moment and discuss this phrase, "hot shit". Hot shit is just stinky feces, who wants to be that anyway?).