Y&R - Tuesday - Snip, snip, EuNeil

I apologize now for the excessive amount of caps in this post. Read at your own risk.

SOME WANT IT ALLLL BUT I DON'T WANT NOTHIN' AT ALLLLLL IF IT AIN'T YOU BABAAAAY IF I AIN'T GOT YOU BABAAAAAAY [HE LOVES YOU, LILY, GIVE HIM A CHANCE!]
SOME PEOPLE WANT DIAMOND RINGS [SHE DOESN'T NEED DIAMOND RINGS, SHE NEEDS HER DANIEL!], SOME JUST WANT EVERYTHING BUT EVERYTHING MEANS NOTHIN' IF I AIN'T GOT YOOOOOOOOU [HER WORLD IS NOTHING WITH HIM, COME ON!]

SOME PEOPLE NEED THREE DOZEN ROSES [ONE ROSE, MAYBE TWO. A DOZEN, ONE DOZEN AND WE'RE COPACETIC!] THAT'S THE ONLY WAY TO PROVE YOU LOVE HIM
HAND ME THE WORLD ON A SILVER PLATTER [SHE'LL TAKE BRONZE, IT'S ALL GOOD!] AND WHAT GOOD WOULD IT BE WITH NO ONE TO SHARE WITH NO WHO TRULLEEEE CAAAARE FOR MEEEEEE [SHE CAN'T DO IT ALONE! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? Why won't you understand?!]


IF I AIN'T GOT CHA WITH ME BAAAAABAY
Oooooh, OOOOOhh, [this is the part where Alicia starts to break down a bit] see nothing in this whoooole wide world, if I ain't got cha with me BAAAAaaaaaay

If...I ain't got cha...with me...babaaaaay...

[silently weeping]

Listen to it for yourself and tell me that you don't cry too! If you don't you're a soulless creature--GET OUT! GEEEEEEET OUT!

Alicia Keys - If I Ain't Got You - free MP3 - *dead link*

Wow, wow, WOW, your son's life is literally FALLING APART around him and all it takes is a fucking TEXT MESSAGE from NICK for you to drop Daniel and go RUNNING to your Newman cock? You're PITIFUL, Phyllis.

Phyllis has been in 4 relationships on this show, Danny, Jack, Damon and Nick. [Clair Huxtable]And LET THE RECORD SHOW[/Clair Huxtable] never before has she played second fiddle to her significant other. Not with Danny or Damon or Jack most importantly, importantly because Jack is by far the most layered and dynamic screen partner she's ever had. That's not a dig at Nick or the other two, it's just that Jack is a multi-layered character with tons of history played by a fantastic actor. And he never, not once overpowered her in a storyline. They were screen PARTNERS. She didn't run around town going "Oh, Jack,oh, Jack, Jack, Jack.". No, she remained her own person throughout that relationship. Why is she so needy and useless right now? It makes no sense and is completely unacceptable.

I don't know whether to revoke your Bitch Card or your Edge Card. Decisions, decisions. How about BOTH?! Yeah, that's right. THAT'S RIGHT!

You all realize I'm doing this while knowing full well that she's out of town, right? Even de-clawed she's still kinda scary. A little.

HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT! Neil, you don't DESERVE a PENIS!

>snip!<

That's right, MOTHERFUCKER! It's gone! I just went Lorena Bobbitt on your ass! And we thought you were a eunuch before, now it's FOR REAL.

Y&R - Monday - Eep!

Jana: I'm so glad we got that fellow who tried to blackmail ye!
Gloria: Yes, my young foolishness coming back to haunt me. That photographer, oh. And I believed him when he said I had a nice body. And a plump, tight ass. And nice perky tits. He was truth-teller, he was.

I like Jana's kaleidescope hair. I like Jana. I think only because Gloria and Kevin are so so so evil and she's just supernice and British and colorful. She offsets their self-centered assholery.

Victoria: Geewilikers, guys! If we don't find the re-li-quar-y Sharon might ::gasp:: die!

Brad: We have to get to Sharon before the Notzis do!

Nick: Eep! Well, gu-gu-gosh!

Phyllis: Oh, we'll never find Sharon this way! Maybe we should contact the FBI!

[they all turn and glare]

Phyllis: Or not.

Victoria: We have to use this book! And the internet! And my expansive knowledge of religious artifacts. Take that necklace you're wearing, it's a cross! A cross is a lower-case T!

Phyllis, Brad, Nick: Woooooah.

Noah: Rooooooah!

I kinda hate all of them and want them to die a fiery death...in fire. I enjoyed the mention of Nikki's sister, they hardly ever mention her. And loved when Nikki ran in as they were arguing and said "Stop!" then proceeded to mention that Victor is still missing too. And they could not give less of a fuck that the man with recently disagnosed epilepsy is missing. It was fairly fucking wonderful.

There's one word for the reaction you should have when you find out your son-in-law had it setup for your daughter to be attacked:

THROTTLE!

Neil, I expect that from you. Your mission in life is to disappoint me personally. But Dru, sweetie, my baby, my heart, my love, you should have gone Bookcase on his ass. It's okay, one misstep in 5 years, I forgive you. It's okay, don't cry, I'm still here. No, no, I'll rest my head on your bosom. Better? Better.

John and his fabulous son Jack talking about spas and make-up and Jack being his typical flamboyant self is so astronomically G A Y that you can't help but love it.

And not that I think I'm hot shit or anything but I've added a mailing list thingie. ONLY BECAUSE I don't update everyday and I'd hate for you guys to not visit because of lack of updates. So, yeah. Not hot shit (let's take a moment and discuss this phrase, "hot shit". Hot shit is just stinky feces, who wants to be that anyway?).

Y&R - The Wiz

[Victor goes into seizures at the farm and is soon unconscious, he awakens in a place shrouded in darkness]

Victor: Hope...Hope, are you there?

[A voice in the darkness answers]

Naw, she ain't here.

Victor: Who, who is that?

Nunya.

Victor: Nunya, whoisthisNunya?

Nunya bizness! HAHA!

Victor: Where is Hope, what have you done with Hope?!

[A figure imerges through the overarching dark, he lumbers forward]

Rick James: Brother, you dead or high but that bitch ain't here!

Victor: RickJames? Didyounotdie?

Rick James: Maybe. Who wants to know? Don't touch me!

Victor: Iamsoconfused. LastIrecallIwasshuckingcornwithmybeautifulHope!

Rick James: You know the last thing I remember? Sniffing some pancake mix off a Mary Jane girl. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

Victor: Idonottakedrugs!

Rick James: Yeah and I didn't stab that bitch 28 times, what's one got to do with the other? Listen man, listen. Listen. Listen. What was I saying?

Victor: Idon'tknow.

Rick James: Oh, yeah. I seen't your wife. She got some tig ole bitties. She keep swinging those titties around and Zapato's gonna take a bite. Lemme tell ya!

Victor: Zapato would never!

[Another voice calls out from the dark]

Rick! RIIIIICK! Rick, where you at?!

Rick James: Baby girl, I'm over here! Talking to this freak. Superfreaky! OW! Gotta let the kids know who I am, see?

Janis Joplin: Riiiiick, baby, you can't be leaving me all alone!

Rick James: Sorry, Janie but we got a visitor!

Janis: WHAT? WHO ARE YOU? YOU STAY AWAY! Woo! [Janis plops on the ground] Have a seat! What's your name? Where ya from? You got any money? YOU GOT ANY MONEY ON YA?!

Victor: I am soconfused.

Rick James: Janie, you sitting on my sandwich.

Janis: I DON'T EAT HAM! YOU KNOW I DON'T! I'M HUNGRY!

Rick James: NEITHER DO I! LET GO!

[The two proceed to tussle over a pastrami on rye]

Victor: I--Iwanttogohome.

Rick James: Sucker, you always had the power to go home. Have a hit. A hit of love. Naw, a hit of the pipe. Good shit! Mystical shit! Dalai said it was okay!

Victor: Icannotdodrugs!

Rick James: Bitch please, listen, listen, just say "There's no place like home, there's no place like home...".

Victor: There'snoplacelikeho--

[Rick knocks Victor in the head with a lead pipe, he falls to the ground unconscious yet again]

Rick James: He thought I meant drugs, old fool.

Janis: THIS IS A GOOD SANDWICH! WANT SOME?

Rick James: Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

Y&R - Thurs/Fri - Seizuirific

Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, whatever, it's all a clusterfuck of ridiculous.

Jana: Blimey! Wha'tever are you doin' wit' that fellow?
Gloria: This--this is my illegitimate son. We were simply stripping his clothes in order run the proper DNA tests, which involve a full body scan. He's the product of an illicit affair during one of my numerous trips to Miami as a drug runner. I met a kind fisherman named Ricardo Tubbs who gave me shelter and sexual healing as I ran from the mafia.
Jana: Ricardo Tu--isn't that the bloke from Miami Vice?
Gloria: No, no it's not.
Jana: I'm fairly certain it is.
Gloria: You're wrong.
Jana: But--
Gloria: No.
Jana: I'm pr--
Gloria: NO!

Jana: Sorry, sorry!
Gloria: It's okay, dear. Now help me move the body.

Damn, Gloria's good. I want one of my very own.

Let's play a game!

R-E-L-I-Q-U-A-R-Y

"A piece of sacred artwork!"

"Something to hold bones and other nasty stuff!"

"Oooh, I know! A Mcguffin introduced into a story for no apparent reason other to keep nearly every character in the story spinning their wheels."

"DING DING DING, Motherfucker. You get a cookie."

Georad/Brorge, ClackClack, Nick and SCB sure do prove the power of Google. The only reason no one found Jimmy Hoffa is cause they forgot that Jimmy is a nick name for James. Google James Hoffa, he's right there! Easy!

ClackClack: I know art! I know this world! So stop questioning me!

Bitch, shut UP. And they're going to message boards? PLEASE visit TWOP so I can slap a ho. Thankyou. Look, when you lose annoyances like Sharon and JT sometimes you just gotta say "Hey, whadda ya gonna do?", shrug your shoulders and move on. It's part of the healing process.

Phyllis: Hi you guys!
Nick: Uh, Phyllis, what are you doing here?
Phyllis: Just stopping by. You know.
Victoria: Phyllis, we're terribly business.
Brad: Yes, we are. Why are you here?
Phyllis: I wanted to hel--Nick, come on.
Nick: Seriously, why are you here? Did we send out invitations?
Phyllis: Oh. Okay, sorry you guys. I'll go home and do some more babygrowing.
Brad: Moo.
Nick: HAHA! Moooo!
Victoria: Oh my god, boys, stop! MmmMmmMmmoooo!
Phyllis: Hehe. Sorry, sorry, I'll go.

I think I might hate her more than Sharon right now. Of course Sharon isn't around but shape up of ship out, Phyllis. I bet your spine is somewhere near Neil's balls. Probably doing a performance art piece. Go find them.

We miss y'all!

Oh, people, Sharon's fine. She's just getting her Paris Hilton on.

HARHAGHHHGGGGGHHH! Hummina, click, clock, bizz, zoom!

Seizures ARE NOT FUNNY!

Not funny. Ever.

GGGGGHRRRHAHGGGGGHHHGGGG!!!!! Spittle!

You may wonder why I haven't mentioned Lily and Daniel since my love for them is strong and absurd in it's scope. And that is why I haven't mentioned him telling the truth about Alex and Lily leaving him. It didn't happen! Just turned on CBS right the fuck now and all I see is Lily sitting on Daniel's lap as they fight for the remote, it's cute. Now they're getting their mack on. Can no one else see this? Fix your tuners!

Y&R - Wednesday - Like Gum Under Her Stilletos

OH, OH, OH, SNAP!

"This is about Project Stay Away From My Husband! "

"Oh, what is this about, what is this about?" [as she maniacally fans herself (Where is FAN?!)]

"Don't make me pull out an afro puff!"

Oh Carmen, Carmie, Carm, sweetie, you don't know, do you? You don't even know. And that is the tragedy.

This is you



This is Dru

Hurts, doesn't it?

Neil, if you don't want to be with Dru, DON'T BE WITH DRU, you Punk Ass Passive-Aggressive Mealy Mouthed Bitch. She can do better and you won't and shouldn't and never can and never will and I hate you. Eat it.

Phyllis: I've brought sandwiches!

Did you bring your spine? Or do women simply lose them when thrusted by that Newman rod? Why don't you just put on some fucking pearls and a sun dress?




Hey, what the fuck is wrong with Noah's head? Where's Tails? What's goin' on, LilBastard? Did Miguel attack you with the weed whacker? Can't blame him.





Oh yeah, Gloria, Kevin and Jana were on. Gloria was doing some insanely stupid, Kevin was letting her and Jana was British. And the wonderful guy holding JT and Sharon hostage (thus keeping them off our screens, love that guy) sounds British as well. COULD THERE BE A CONNECTION?!

Nikki should not wear...

Pink.

Ever.