Dec 31, 2006

Y&R - Friday - I Am Changing

What's that? What's that sound? Are--dear God--are Phyllis and Nick... [shudder] arguing? Is their twisted little Family of Fuck showing kinks in its armor? Next thing you know Phyllis will start ordering for herself at restaurants. This is insanity. I don't know what to do with myself. I need a moment. Uno momento, motherfucker.

[Moment]

Okay, I'm better. I want to start a prayer circle for the two lovebirds. Their love can weather the storm, I just know it. I just know it.

Alright, I can't keep it up, I'm boring myself. And if you don't care about Nick or Phyllis and don't want to be bored further you can skip the next 2 paragraphs.

Is their first fight really about Brad? I mean, really? Out of all the things that could have damaged their relationship it's this? Brad and his platitudinous tale of concentration camps and stolen Nazi art. Not that their relationship grew out of the death of Nick's child or that they left two former lovers destroyed in their wake?

It's as though no one wants to address any of the true issues in their relationship. Do you know what Nick and Phyllis are not? They're not "Young Love". They're "Rode Hard And Put Away Wet Love". They don't get to argue about the little things when the big, huge, monumental are still there. I don't understand the direction of this relationship at all, there are so many, many, MANY things that could make them a fascinating love to hate and hate to love couple but I just plain hate them.

Is Gloria wearing fur? Where's Dick Cheney when you need him?

Wow, how much does Jana suck? Jana and Amber, together gobbling up screentime for no good goddamn reason. This is just getting to the point where I'm thinking they have NO plan for these two. Thrusting Amber into Kay and Jill's (potentially good) plot? We needed Amber for that?

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Now, about this Sheila/Phyllis thing. I don't know what to make of it, one part of me is like "Ew. What? Why? Isn't Michelle Stafford due for a vacation? Wasn't Sheila's last return bad enough? You mean to say ShinyChestedBitch is now ShinyChestedButch? Ha, no.", the other part of me is "How wonderfully 80's!". But the largest part of me (I have many parts, you understand) is like "Dear God, let's get on with it.". Because the classic breakdown of this story goes as such:

  • The prisoner turns the tables on their kidnapper and escape.
  • They kidnap the original and lock them up (this time with their own kidnapper, so different).
  • They take over their life.
  • They have sex with their victim's signifigant other and generally act weird and No One Notices.
  • They're eventually found out after months of sturm and drag and it all ends in a climatic shoot-out. Or whatever, it's all very dramatic. There will be lots of slow motion shots basically.
  • And then Phyllis will be like "How could you have sex with her Nick?! How could you!" and then she'll cry and shit.
But you guys, please hear me out here, I'm going to actually let the story play out a bit before I judge it completely. I know. It's a risk. But one I'm willing to take. I hope you'll take it with me.

Now imagine me saying that insincere as all fuck and you'll get the general gist of it.

2006 is almost over and you know what that means? Schmaltzely crap. I hate it but it's expected, ya know. Honestly, I want to thank everyone who has read and supported this blog over the past 6 months. I use the word "awesome" like some coke up frat boy but for real, y'all are AWESOME. I'd like to thank the TWOPpers for encouraging me to do this, it's lots of fun and something I look forward to every week. Thanks to Jase for listening to me when I whine "I don't know what to write!" and making this blog seem alive when I've made it seem dead.

Thank you and Happy New Year, everyone. I hope it's good to you.

7 comments:

Steph said...

OK - I am soo with you on the argument between Phyllis and Nick! For one thing, Phyllis is no longer Nicks "friend" now she is invested in slimeball and what he fucks up -fucks her up too. Poor Nick - look like Phyllis is just another SHaron. different broad - same day. Dang - these women are bitches!

Ides of March said...

Happy New Year bitches! Keep up the delicious snark!

Kia said...

Jesse Spano is so much more awesome than Amber. How dare you make the comparison.

crc said...

Nick and Phyllis arguing? Phyllis and Jack bonding and calling truces? Normally, I'd be all excitedly elated and all that crazy shyt. Thinking... hoping... praying that this means beginning of the end of Phick, all leading to Jack and Phyllis getting back together. Then I remember that according to the book of LML, Phick is forever and always, while Jack is eternally damned.

What exactly does Jana do that Gina can't do better? And Amber for that matter. Beyotches all up in other peoples business. I was really hoping that Kay slapped that skank with those animated hands (with the huge bling-bling intact) of hers and tell her to get frunk out of dodge.

And no Darn, you are AWESOME. Jase is too, although I don't watch those other shows. Happy New Year to you all... now I gotta get back to my Twilight Zone marathon. Peace out!

smartyshorts said...

Darn, you complete me.

Even the arguments on this show have become Reliquary. Is there ANYTHING that is NOT connected to Reliquary?
Why has the Reliquary not killed or seriously maimed Glo? WHY?
Is Amber actually the Gorgon Reliquary? I don't see what her purpose is otherwise.

I'm wishing you all a profitable and healthy New year. Hope you find some unsuspecting new millionaire and glom onto him or her like a barnacle! Don't forget to dress and act like their deceased spouse, I heard the suddenly rich like when you emulate their dearly departed loved ones!

Kaboom said...

This Pheila or whatever SL has just started and I cannot wait for it to be over already. Ohhhhh Sheila's back (said with exaggerated "I'm-SO-scared...not" expression of sarcastic wonder and genuine disgust)...again. This, THIS, is the best LML can come up with??

Maybe the Reliquary can kill Sheila and then set its sights on GloBag. Ya'll, I just had a vision of GloBag being murdered by Brad's Killer Thighs of steel, try it, it's funny!

crc said...

I'm wishing you all a profitable and healthy New year. Hope you find some unsuspecting new millionaire and glom onto him or her like a barnacle! Don't forget to dress and act like their deceased spouse, I heard the suddenly rich like when you emulate their dearly departed loved ones!

Maybe the Reliquary can kill Sheila and then set its sights on GloBag. Ya'll, I just had a vision of GloBag being murdered by Brad's Killer Thighs of steel, try it, it's funny!

ROTFLMAO!