Oct 3, 2006

Y&R - The Breakup

A warning, I am clinically insane. Enjoy!

[Darn stands outside their apartment door, apparently exhausted from a long day but actually deep in thought, fearful of the reaction of what he's about to do. He slowly opens the door.]
Darn: Hi.
Y&R: Hello yourself! I'm so glad you're finally home! I made dinner!
Darn: Not hungry.

[Darn sits down on the couch, hands to his head and barely containing his comtempt]

Y&R:
Of course you are. I made your favorite!
Darn: I said I'm not hungry, dammit.
Y&R: Woah, woah, bad day? I can make it better!
Darn: Actually, no, no you can't.
Y&R: But I always make your days better!
[Darn gets up and walks toward the window, he stares out of it knowingly]
Darn: You--you haven't made my days better in a long, long time.
Y&R: I don't understand.
Darn: That's something we have in common, I haven't understood you for months now.
Y&R: Psyeah! We've been happy!
Darn: Seemingly so. But in my heart, my heart of hearts, I've never felt so betrayed.

[fade to black]

Y&R: Betrayed? How did I betray you? What did I do?
Darn: Maybe it's me, maybe I've changed! Grown. I try to blame myself, I think it's me but no, it's you. You've changed.
Y&R: I'm still me! Five days a week, 12:30AM, 11:30 Central!
Darn: That's just it! Same time, same channel, different demeanor.
Y&R: Am I not allowed to change? Am I not allowed to be different?
Darn: Not if it's not for the better! You look so different, act so different. With your new friends, changing styles! I don't even know who you are anymore!
Y&R: I don't know what you want me to say. They're my friends! I can have friends!
Darn: And I can't cope. I've tried. By God, I've tried. I think...I think we need some time apart.
Y&R: >Gasp!< [fade to black]

Y&R: We can get through this! It's a bump in the road!
Darn: I think it's much more than that. So much more. I've already reserved a room at the Athletic club.
Y&R: We can get BACK ON TRACK!
Darn: I'm going to grab a change of clothes.
Y&R: Nuh-no! No! Nonononono! You can't leave! I won't let you! Guh!

[Y&R grabs Darn's arm as he tries to pack his gymbag]

Darn:
Let go! I have to do this! I need time away!
Y&R: I don't! PLEASE!
Darn: Give me a chance to miss you! Maybe that's what I need baby, maybe that's what we both need!
Y&R: Don't tell me what I need! I know what I nee-need! You!
Darn: Stop! Stop it now, you're embarassing yourself!
[Darn opens the front door]
Darn: Don't call the hotel, I won't be available. I need time. I need time. Goodbye. And take care of yourself. Take--take care.
Y&R: NOOOOOOOOO! NUH-NUH--NUH-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I CAN'T DO THIS ALOOOONE! NOOONOOONOOOOOOOOO!

[Bookcase]
Y'all know I'm pretty much full of shit, right? Kinda. ANYway, I'm trying to enjoy the show. Forcing myself.

Michael and Kevin are twerps. So is Gloria. It's hereditary. I imagine they spend their weekends shedding that dead layer of skin.



Gloria: I FEEL so LIBERATED Michael! This REMINDS me of that time I was FELT UP by LYNDON B. JOHNSON! It was GLORIOUS! That's what he said too >wink<.

Oh right, Daniel, invite Kevin to Neil and Dru's house. What a dumbass. You do this and you lose the pretty Lily. Dumb. Ass.

No, no, I shouldn't take it out on him. But that is dumb, inviting that entitled (who has NO RIGHT to be. Jack? Yes, he was raised with a silver spoon in his mouth, it comes with the territory. Kevin, and Michael, have no reason to feel better than anyone and that's what so infuriates me.) pedophile to their house. Just stupid.

And they setup a WIRELESS KEYBOARD? FUTURISTIC! I feel like I'm watching Star Trek. In fact there's a tribble on Daniel's head.


I reached deep into my grabbag of Asian stereotpyes and decided that the CEO of House of Kim looks like The Mandarin. Don't you just want to pelt me with rotten fruit?



Okay, we're almost there people, we have the Deaf (Devon), the Dumb (Every. Fucking. Body), now we need the blind! I'll poke out some eyes! Try me! Try me.

I love Jack. I looooooooooooove Jack. Lobster love. Figured I needed to end this happily considering the bad break up.

12 comments:

redfres said...

Today when Kevin was cackling at Billy, I realized I was one more stupid scene away from being on a break with this show. It happens every couple years for me, so I am not worried. Then I wondered, is it possible that the writers are being super clever and there's going to be an unexpected downfall with the Fishers/Baldwins possibly down the line, or something, anything to redeem this stinking pile 'o poo going on right now? A girl can dream, right?

Darn said...

I feel like I missed the scene where it was decided that Kevin and Billy were mortal enemies. My reaction to them trying to set up Billy and Kevin as these rivals and a big ole "Huh?". And it seems pretty one-sided, with Kevin being an asshole and Billy being confused.

books said...

I couldn't agree more. I didn't even watch the entire episode yesterday because it was SO BORING!

smartyshorts said...

Darn why you pretending you're getting a room at the Athletic Club? We all know you need to bring your giggly heffa self over to my couch for san'wiches and an ice cream social. Then we'll play video games *wink*

We're so much better than that weird bitch Y&R. I mean, that crazy heffa thinks GloBag is a Tragic Heroine, and that Kneel is somehow interesting. And its chock full of Notzis and ThunderThighs and ClackClackNARMFace! We don't need that psycho shit in our lives.

If you want to reminisce about the good old days of Dily and HappyFunVictor and all the WTF reactions to him, we can. We can put Y&R on mute and just watch Dru and Sharon's outfits. And wait for Nick to shut up and take off his shirt.

No tea or decaf here, we'll drink dirty martinis and Scotch Neat and pack up Y&R's bullshit in Hefty Lawn bags and put it all on the front porch.

Pandora said...

Darn, I feel your pain. I just broke up with B&B this morning. It happened like this: I was scrolling through the record list on my PVR, and I came across B&B. Then a little voice in my head said, "Just nuke the bitch and be done with it! Think of all the neurons and minutes of your life you'll save!" And my thumb just hit CANCEL RECORDING. Ahh...sweet victory. And this time it's for good! It feels good man. You might want to try it...at least for a while.

crc said...

I'm feelin ya, Darn. I'm feelin ya! Be strong!

Love the reference to Dru and the bookcase. Ha ha!

Dee said...

Foo.

jfdb said...

Darn, I don't even know what to say. Of course, you're right. I have not watched in maybe over a month. I miss the board and here and all, but not The Insanity of Y&R lately.

I just couldn't take it anymore and I didn't even say goodbye, I just ran the hell outta town (guess I have to stop blaming Sharin for that, hey?). The show has never stunk this bad, it's awful.

Now I learn from your blog that VDily is coming back?? WTF!!! I'm glad you've lost your shit all over the Show because it deserves it. That's so fucking wrong. Davetta has brightened every damn thing they've made her do...rocking those scenes with VR. Clearly, the world is mad. Ass backwards and mad.

Anyways, just wanted to let you know you're not alone. This is the first time in my life (my life!!) that I've not been watching a soap and it feels really wierd but good. Hey, it's their fault, I don't have anything TO miss. They've gone and fucked it all up. The genre is dead. Fucking bastards! I miss PB and that's it.

Demig said...

Gasp!

Hey Darn, if you 'happen' to walk by (see code for :stalker-like-drive-by an ex's) that bitch's house tomorrow, say around 12:30 am (11:30 Central), I think she is trying to impress you with a twinkle of Jack, he was being all cool and everything Jackie. You have to see his little gleeful 'And the Emmy goes to ...'
I think she's trying to get you back, but play hard to get. That'll teach 'er!
Oh yeah, and I think his sister Ashley, almost bit her tongue trying to say a big word.

Kaboom said...

Darn, I am positive that you and Y&R will find a way back to each other.

Still HATING the Fishers with the fire of a million suns. Michael I still have hope for, what with having Lauren and their baby to turn him around again...

Demig said...

Mr. Kim, may look like the Manadarin, but I think the Mandarin is hot, soooo. Keep Mr. AsianSteroptypeKim around. At least they didn't have him going 'ah so, ah so'!

Anonymous said...

The blind? Well we have Hope. ;)