Daytime Emmys IV: WRAP IT UP.

Jase (10:15:31 PM): This is almost as much of a chore for us as it obviously is for the programmers.

Jase (10:15:41 PM): Have we been less funny before? Don't answer that.

Darn (10:16:18 PM): I dunno, we're off tonight. The show was awful but in a fun way last year.

Jase (10:16:39 PM): Ah, the Head Writing Award, the "Here Take Your Piece Of Useless Tin You Hack Fuckers" award.

Darn (10:17:10 PM): Oh hai, GL headwriter, how cute is he?

Jase (10:17:15 PM): They actually probably were better than almost everyone last year. Every time I looked in on them I was impressed.

Jase (10:17:17 PM): Yeah, very cute.

Jase (10:17:55 PM): And at the mention of her name, somewhere in the audience Vicky Hudson begins to plot her good twin Ellen Wheeler's demise!

Darn (10:17:57 PM): Vivica A. Fox and her deformed tittles.

Jase (10:18:01 PM): Video Ho Vivica Fox.

Darn (10:18:06 PM): Oh wait, looks like she had them removed.

Jase (10:18:40 PM): Surprise, a black fan for Y&R! I wonder why it has a black audience, ABC?!

Darn (10:18:51 PM): I DUNNO!

Jase (10:18:59 PM): Maybe it had more than one black character and it wasn't an insufferable prig!

Jase (10:19:05 PM): (EVANGELINE!)

Jase (10:19:28 PM): Haha, Victor on LSD.

Darn (10:19:34 PM): Haha, that was the best.

Darn (10:19:39 PM): HAPPYFUNVICTOR!

Jase (10:20:06 PM): Oh man. The unfun View.

Darn (10:20:27 PM): They're just acknowledging it now, Barbara is senile.

Jase (10:21:17 PM): Worst jokes ever.

Jase (10:21:36 PM): "Time to watch a real awards show, everyone!"

Darn (10:22:30 PM): Next year in another fit of desperation the Daytime Emmys air a live sex show...on MySpace!

Jase (10:22:32 PM): Zim needs no partner.

Jase (10:22:44 PM): Oh, good, she's making it all about her, I NEVER EXPECTED THAT.

Darn (10:22:45 PM): Because she is both man and woman.

Darn (10:22:57 PM): She's that stalker on Passions.

Darn (10:22:59 PM): SPOILER.

Jase (10:23:05 PM): Haha, she is the He/She.

Darn (10:23:12 PM): Is she Hari Krishner?

Jase (10:23:20 PM): She is Rebis from the Grant Morrison Doom Patrol.

Jase (10:23:51 PM): The last survivors of the Guiding Light cast supplement their paychecks by doing scab labor!

Darn (10:24:06 PM): Zimmer is an escapee from Dr. Moreau's.

Darn (10:24:10 PM): Haha!

Jase (10:24:54 PM): "None of us goes our way alone?" You poor guys are about to!

Darn (10:25:18 PM): Barbara: WHOREWHOREWHORE! Are you my wiiiiife? Why are these waffles? ROSIEYOUDON'TKNOWMELIKEDAT!

Jase (10:25:32 PM): One couch in the K-Mart room. I guess they all draw straws.

Darn (10:25:44 PM): No, no, knifefight.

Jase (10:25:57 PM): The survivor gets a seat.

Jase (10:26:01 PM): And then they go again.

Jase (10:26:06 PM): Hearst is already dead.

Darn (10:26:36 PM): Bleeding on the budget carpet.

Jase (10:26:50 PM): They Ajax it while they're all still in there.

Jase (10:26:54 PM): "Don't breathe it in."

Jase (10:30:37 PM): Oh, I see, the stage is a foldout stage, like my table.

Jase (10:30:43 PM): Too much pressure, the legs go.

Jase (10:31:00 PM): Here comes Tyra after an afternoon of wine and crystal meth.

Darn (10:31:04 PM): You know what, Tyra? That's quite enough.

Jase (10:31:33 PM): Tyra thinks Elmo is real, she's having a flashback to them lean teen days.

Jase (10:33:05 PM): Okay, I think Kevin Clash's been drinking.

Darn (10:33:37 PM): Tyra thinks Elmo is too fat and needs a haircut.

Jase (10:33:45 PM): Aw man, Reading Rainbow. REEEAADDDIING RAAIIINBBOOOWW!!! Reverse the warp core, Geordi!

Darn (10:33:50 PM): That was pretty funny. I am so easy.

Darn (10:34:02 PM): I looooved Reading Rainbow.

Jase (10:34:07 PM): Me too.

Darn (10:34:16 PM): I CAN GO ANYWHERE, JUST TAKE A LOOK IT'S IN A BOOK, A READING RAINBOW!

Darn (10:34:23 PM): Reading raaainbow.

Jase (10:34:34 PM): Eva LaRue, now with a real job, suck it Brian Frons!

Jase (10:35:00 PM): Oh my God her breasts are like Dalek bumps!

Darn (10:35:16 PM): PETER BERGMAN!

Darn (10:35:19 PM): I mean come on.

Jase (10:35:35 PM): It needs to not be Tony.

Darn (10:35:49 PM): WHAT?!

Darn (10:35:53 PM): WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

Darn (10:36:00 PM): Oh, this is bullshit.

Jase (10:36:02 PM): Good for Queen!

Darn (10:36:07 PM): I. AM. INCISED.

Darn (10:36:15 PM): Or however you spell that.

Jase (10:36:20 PM): Uh, incensed, honey.

Jase (10:36:24 PM): Incised means you got cut.

Darn (10:36:31 PM): I DID THOUGH!

Jase (10:36:40 PM): ...I see.

Darn (10:37:01 PM): Sigh.

Jase (10:37:18 PM): Charles Nelson Reilly? Bit on the nose, Christian.

Darn (10:37:21 PM): Yeah, okay, CLB, we get it, you gay.

Darn (10:37:25 PM): WE. GET. IT.

Jase (10:37:35 PM): I'm saying.

Darn (10:39:25 PM): Is it my turn?

Jase (10:42:03 PM): It will be, edit mine with your pretty shit first.

Jase (10:42:27 PM): Mario Van Peebles?

Darn (10:42:34 PM): Yeah, uh, why?

Jase (10:42:45 PM): Oh, Mario, I heart you. Ooooone Liiifeee tooo Liiiive!

Jase (10:42:55 PM): Now with 99% less black people!

Darn (10:43:14 PM): Oh I know, he was shopping on Sunset and they offered him cash to do this for 2 minutes.

Darn (10:44:03 PM): But Jase they have Black-Americans AND African Americans.

Jase (10:44:29 PM): That ancient old woman prefers Antonio?

Darn (10:44:48 PM): She doesn't realize he's a dirty Latino.

Darn (10:45:25 PM): We should have done this except no, we have shame.

Darn (10:45:55 PM): Oh my god.

Jase (10:46:14 PM): HAHA, that's awesome.

Darn (10:46:14 PM): WTF was that? Creepy girl, "I wish I was a Quartermaine"

Darn (10:46:20 PM): These people are INSANE.

Jase (10:46:26 PM): We don't have shame, we should've, it would never have aired.

Darn (10:46:38 PM): I have shame. Some.

Jase (10:48:02 PM): Awright, wrap. it. UP. people.

Darn (10:48:23 PM): They're not even trying at this point.

Jase (10:48:35 PM): No.

Jase (10:48:41 PM): And they're not making me try either.

Jase (10:49:40 PM): Oh yeah, RACHAEL RAY presents the last soap award, FINE, whatever, just let's kill this thing, doubletap, back of the head.