Jun 29, 2007

Y&R - Mon/Tues - CITIZEN HO

Nikki Newman...has been running for public office. For state Senate. I...did not think Nikki Newman could drive a car. Or do long division. But never mind. Never...never mind.

So, um. This post covers Monday and Tuesday of Y&R, my first of two posts blogging this week's worth of shows. I divvied them up like this for two reasons: One, the remainder of the week's episodes are centered around Nick's return, while these episodes focus on The Election Of The Millennium. And two, after several long nights of grueling daily GL posts, I am tired as fuck. Thus, Thursday's GL post will be bumped to at least tomorrow morning or afternoon, and everything else for the week will be bumped a day. Appy-polly-ologies. I have enjoyed this week of looking in on CBS, but once this is over? TAKING A BREAK. It's hard writing about halfway decent soaps, which frankly, these two are, especially compared to ABC. It's huuurrrddd.

But now, as to the great Genoa City emergency election: Glorious. I loved it. A former stripper and a corrupt perfume magnate embroiled in dirty backroom deals with the (sexy) Chinese battled it out for a Senate seat, and I loved every ridiculous minute of it. They were all so delightfully intense. "CRUNCH THE NUMBERS BEN! I NEED THE METRO TURNOUT BREAKDOWN! MASSAGE THE DATA DAVID! STROKE IT, LOVE IT! LOTION THE NUMBERS! GIVE THEM A HAPPY ENDING! MORE JARGON! MORE JARGON NOW!" It cracked me up, and they were all so into it and I loved it. And I was even sorry Nikki didn't win!

What made it work so well for me was that everyone, from the writers to the actors on down, was clearly completely committed to it. When OLTL did a similar story with first Nora vs. Daniel Colson (her future closeted serial killing husband, thanks ABC) for the District Attorney's Office, then Kevin Buchanan running to become Lieutenant Governor of Pennsylvania, the idea or concept worked, but the execution was crap. Kevin's political interests were almost exclusively an ignored side thread which could've and should've been so much more, and Nora and Daniel's feud was relegated to really one episode where she lost. Imagine if they had invested in Kevin's story by having him hire colorful characters as consultants, like David Chow (Vincent Irizarry) or Ben Hollander (the great Billy Warlock, Daytime Survivor) or...well, she's not interesting at all, but, you know, that character played by Nia Peeples! (More on her later.) Imagine if they'd devoted half the time to Kevin's run as Y&R has to Jack vs. Nikki. The detail and the commitment to the serious drama and not talking down to the viewers on the election jargon (though it bordered on fetishistic) was what sucks me in, even if, character-wise, it's ridiculous to think these two people would ever run for Senate (well, Jack maybe) . And though I am mostly a Y&R neophyte, I realize this issue is symptomatic of people's complaints about Lynn Marie Latham, and I totally understand it. But I have been very entertained.

Anyway. Onto other things. Nia Peeples? Why didn't they just hire Sheila E. if they wanted an 80s relic? Last time I saw Nia Peeples she was getting pimpslapped to death by a plastic giant squid in an incredibly cheapo Canadian horror flick, Deep Star Six. And of course she's for Neil. The bland and vaguely multicultural woman who is "safe" to be paired with the black man. Now they're really copying ABC. And let me see if I have this: "Cane," who I think played the Beastmaster on cable, is the real Phillip Chancellor? Only Australian. And married to Amber. Whatever. That's a lame, useless Josh Madden-esque retcon. And I can stand Adrienne Frantz even less than I remember. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Why did Amber leave California to continue pursuing her music career? That seems awfully impractical.

Fired?! AAAAARRRRRRRR!!!! RRROOOOO!!!! GRRRAAAAGHHH!!!

You hear the doooooor SLAM, and realize there's nowhere left to run. You feel the cooooollldd hand, and wonder if you'll ever see the sun. You close your EYEEEESSSS! and hope that this is just imagination! But all the while you hear the creature creepin' up behind! You're outta tiiiimme! Cause this is COOOOLLLLEEENNN!!! COLLEEEN CARLTON!!!

...I am sorry, okay? I'm sorry, I really am. I know a lot of people seem to love Adrienne Leon as Colleen and are outraged by her unceremonious firing. I agree the way it was done was classless. But, uh, sorry, I hated her on GH, found her creepy, with a flat affect, kind of stoned, and it's carried over to here on Y&R. And, seriously: Bitch is a werewolf. An actual werewolf. I am serious, I've always felt this way about AL's Colleen. She got the mange, she's a hairy thing, scurrs me. I know I have no class. But I also know that when the full moon rises, this Colleen feels the urge to hunt, kill and taste human blood. And I do not like watching that. And that's just me.

High school girls: I keep getting older, and they stay THE SAME AGE!

And then there is her, um, "boyfriend." Who I believe is also her college professor? Nice. That dude creeps the fuck out of me. How the hell did her family get onboard with that? "Sure, date your creepy professor, Colleen. No other man in town wants you now that you are a lycanthrope." Korbel is so supercillious and slick and they just seem like truly obnoxious people who will be even worse, prim, uptight yuppies in about ten years. They're like characters from St. Elmo's Fire, only much worse. And with beastiality.

Gloria Fisher, skin terrorist, torments another helpless old man with her pincers and multifractual prism eyes. God. I do admire that her entire family, all the way up to Michael and Lauren the happily marrieds, are apparently in it though. On ABC the married popular couple would be shocked and appalled, or moralize it away, the way Michael, Rex, and Adriana all do when keeping Todd's baby from him on OLTL because o iz jus Todd! But Michael and Lauren just go along because none of them want the popo on them. I dig that, it's refreshing. I also like that Kevin Fisher has apparently remained a minor psychopath, which would also not be tolerated on another show. Gleefully talking about decapitating Jana the British Girl. Greg Rikaart's snark is still intact, which is nice to see.


r u there brad? r u there? switch over if u can hear me! ooh i like this eyeshadow. am i rambling?? txt me brad!!11

I thought Darn was being too hard on Amelia Heinle's face. I was wrong.

Shirtless sweating Nick to Logan the Obnoxious Mountain Woman: "Let's redress this." UM NO THAZ OK.

Feh. Sucky entry. Sorries. NOT UP TO SNUFF. But I still have a Y&R retro moment:


Seriously. WTF.

3 comments:

love da blog said...

Love reading your blogs on Y&R. I have been loving the election and Nick returning storylines. I love seeing Phyllis miserable! HAHA!

Kaboom said...

Brilliant post, Jase. And Darn can never be too hard about AH's face. It is what it is. heh heh

You just may have stolen my bitch heart comparing GloBag with Zorak. Genius!

Carrie said...

Gloria as Zorak? Hahahahahahaha! Freaking brilliant.