Jun 19, 2007

OLTL - We're The Freak

jase: Ooh, Youtube clips are up of today's shitty musical. And the parts I liked.

Darn: Link me to Marko and Langston's song please.

jase: Why do you want to watch THAT again?

Darn: I loved it, in the worst way.

jase: That was the worst of them all.

jase: Those other two had redeeming qualities.

Darn: Oh but I loved it. It was so fucking bad.

jase: Let me see...



jase: I love how they tried to go 80s electro/boogaloo. I was like, "I literally CANNOT believe One Life to Live is doing this."

jase: I was so mortified.

Darn: OMG, Blair and Starr are a total Summer Eve commercial.

jase: HAHA.

Darn: AWWWW...TEARS.

jase: ?

Darn: Pics of little Starr.

jase: KDP does have a beautiful voice even if I hate Blair singing.

Darn: This is why seeing the kids grow up is so nice.

jase: That's why I get so angry when idiots are like "ooh Starr is played out, so ugly and unattractive, Langston and Britney are DA FOOCHA!"

Darn: Even if Starr isn't Starr anymore at the very least she's the centerpiece of this story.

jase: Doesn't matter.

jase: The reason she is is because she's out of character as that person.

Darn: Oh, Brandon Buddy doesn't sound too bad.

jase: I haven't heard him sing and am avoiding it.

Darn: What is on Starr's dress?

jase: Two guesses.

Darn: My mind is going to awful jokes.

Darn: Bukkake?

jase: Dip. David and Dorian had a food fight.

Darn: Oh, cute.

jase: The link I sent you, the user I think has the entire episode in clips.

Darn: How many songs did they write? Seriously, we have 3 more days of this?

jase: Seriously, hasn't it been 8 or so already?

jase: Songs.

Darn: It's crazy.

Darn: This song is so fucking somber. Are these kids in a suicide pact?

jase: What song?

Darn: The last one on Friday.

jase: Didn't see.

jase: I just realized Langston and Markko are Slater and Jesse. Points for originality!

Darn: Nah, they're not Slater and Jesse.

jase: Yes, they are. Street dude, counterculture girl.

Darn: Jesse was like militant feminist bookworm.

Darn: Langston colors her hair.

jase: They're essentially the same IMHO.

Darn: Slater was not this gay and Slater was HOT so there.

jase: Yes, troo.

jase: Langston's Sebastian the Crab dance at the beginning of this number with Markko is awful. And her singing and the lyrics.

jase: "We found no actual suitably Latino youngsters we deemed 'safe' for white teenagers, so we hired this Native American kid."

Darn: Haha, Native American.

jase: He is! I swear. I'm awful.

Darn: WTF is this?

Darn: Starr, Langston and Brittany being surrounding by extras with sheets.

jase: Yeah, ridiculous.

jase: But the song was okay.

Darn: Yeah, it's like a mid-tempo pop rock song.

jase: And the "extreme" cuts to commercial work for once. They spend so much time on all this that could be fun and gay and campy with the cast we care about, but waste it on just these kids.

Darn: "I'll criticize you." I love whatever they did to his voice.

jase: You mean nothing?

jase: Well, he clearly could never sing so they don't bother. He's this mostly mute dancing thing.

Darn: "That's very special"

Darn: This is SO GREAT.

jase: "I'm so special, so very very special." I wanted to punch her in the face.

jase: Her singing and dancing there is AWFUL. But she's cute for the rest of it.

jase: I like the dyke who says "we get freak-ay" and that twink.

Darn: I like how the dancers took a break from making amateur porn to do a soap.

jase: HAHA, I told you they were Frank Valentini's old tricks.

jase: And some friends of Susan Flannery from the bar.

Darn: I see you kicking back and chilling [BRUSH YOUR SHOULDER OFF] think yo style is the best.

jase: "We like to get around I may be different from the rest." WHAT?

Darn: This whole back and forth reminds me of Teen Witch.

jase: Yeah, but Dan Gauthier was there.

Darn: "Like, whenever" THIS IS FANTASTIC!

jase: I like the more middle aged of Markko's "friends" too.

jase: "I got to give it. give it. give it. backtoYOU."

Darn: Oh god, Marko is cute to me now.

jase: Jesus Christ.

jase: Stop drinking, Ray Charles.

Darn: Oh come on, you like Spinelli.

jase: Spinelli didn't do this shit.

Darn: Yeah but I mean, shut up.

jase: NICE DEFENSE.

jase: You keep lusting after Warpath.

Darn: HAHAHAHA!

Darn: Bastard.

Darn: Marcie and her fabulous Las Vegas revue.

jase: Marcie's number is the best because of the unbelievable GAY of all the dancers and her voice and looks.

Darn: Love how they write a song called "Chemistry" for kids who have none.

jase: She was a knockout. Why isn't she like that all the time?

jase: Thanks, now I can't stop listening to the worst number.

Darn: BEST worst number.

jase: Haha, let's both recycle all our comments tenfold on TWOP.

Darn: Yes, well, like I should waste all this on you.

Darn: TIS GOLD!

jase: Or I on you.

jase: OOHHH ONE UP MANSHIP! I feel a Freak dance number coming on!

jase: You are Markko, I am Langston!

Darn: Okay!

Darn: You go first!

jase: No, that's all I got.

jase: I can't write songs, bitch you crazy.

Darn: Neither can they.

jase: I would have to be somewhat drunk to even attempt that.

jase: Which...could be arranged but never mind.

jase: Dammit, NOW I HAVE TO WATCH IT AGAIN.

Darn: I have it on rotation.

Darn: I need this on MP3.

jase: I'm sure they'll sell the CD.

jase: Which means we will be endorsing this shit. SO MUCH FOR THE HINSEY LETTER.

jase: Somewhere out there Frank is watching this number groping himself, reading the boards, like, "yeah, suck it Jase."

Darn: And I will...NOT BUY IT, are you insane?

jase: "We like to get around/I may be different from the rest." Yeah, still not a acceptable lyric.

jase: The vapid Flock Of Seagulls twink dancing with the dyke shoulda been Cole, that would be class.

jase: Hilarious.

Darn: Oh definitely.

jase: Red hair, it all fits!

Darn: Marcie should have sung this part to Marko and Cole "There's a part of you that's growing..."

jase: Alright, clearly we can't let this pass without some kind of official blog entry.

jase: We can't stop talking about it.

jase: But I don't know what to do.

Darn: Me either!

jase: Dammit.

Darn: They really don't grasp how out of place this all is in-between the Klan attempting to kill the minorities, do they?

jase: HAHA, APPARENTLY FUCKING NOT!

jase: I was pondering that earlier.

jase: I love when they cut back to these somber ass scenes of Talia and Bo talking about murderous white supremacists.

jase: ...Are you ogling Apache Super-Chief again?

Darn: Yes, actually.

Darn: But what should we do?!

jase: I have no idea. We'd have to write our own parts, but...but...

jase: It will be so forced.

jase: I don't know songwriting, much less for a duo.

Darn: I wouldn't even know where to begin.

jase: Me neither.

jase: Clearly us beginning it with banter like "Yo Darn! Why you so black?" "Yo Jase! Why you such a Jew?" would be a bad start.

Darn: I...kind of like that.

jase: Uh, I don't think that would play with "the fans." All six.

jase: "I keep my fellas ready." I'm sure you do, Markko.

Darn: Didn't he say "posse"?

jase: No, he says fellas later.

Darn: Oh.

jase: KEEP TRACK

Darn: INORITE?! MY BAD!

jase: INORITEDARN! INORITE!

jase: "But.when.you.get.allflirtyonme.I.don't.know.what.to.do."

Darn: I think he sounds sexy now.

jase: Jesus CHRIST.

Darn: Good lord, what is wrong with me?

jase: ...Pray more.

Darn: What is the actor's name?

jase: James Proudstar, WHAT THE FUCK, Darnell. Seriously though, it is awful that he is like the only major minority character in the setup. Any other non-white characters are the extras.


edit: For anyone who does not yet despise me, it should now be noted that the actor playing Markko is actually Hawaiian, not Native American. His name is Jason Tam, and judging by the pix Darn dug up in his horny Google quest, he actually has a really nice body. This is so Jason Tam will not come beat me up. Thanks.

3 comments:

Brittany said...

well sorry you guys hated it so much but we had fun doing it but don't worry im not mad, you're all entitled to your opinion

jase said...

If it's any consolation, I like Langston.

Darn said...

I liked the Freak song and thought Chemistry was awesome so...there.