GL - Wednesday - In Which Reva Makes A Lesbian Snuff & Organ Theft Video

Guess who's back! Back again! Reva's Back! Tell a friend! Honk if you love punch and paahhh! OOOOHHH ah love punch and paahhh! Reva Gotta Eat! Fuck the budget cuts across the board, fuck holiday break, Reva needs her pay raise! Buzz and Holly can go hunnnnggggry! Bud! Bud, turn me ovah! Honk if you love coun-treeee!! HOOONKKK!! HOOOOOONNNNNKKKK!!!!!

Oh Mama no. This, this is what I get. This is what I get for being thrilled to see no Reva, hear no Reva for the first two days. An episode devoted entirely to Reva "Invader Zim" Shayne. Is this, like, that "Inside The Light" thing I keep hearing about? An episode devoted to a single character? Do they seriously do this every week? God, that must take planning. On one hand, I really admire GL's devotion to these innovative concepts - character-centric episodes, risk-taking opening sequences and special episodes, charity work that is hardwired into promotion for the show. On the other hand, today was basically like, Reva on a...Super 8 camera...stealing Lizzie's organs. So, you know, yeah.

Bars cain't hold me, Bud! Eat my way on through! MMMMMMM tastes lahk squirrel.

Pop quiz, hotshot: An overweight, middle-aged woman with crazy eyes, wearing a magenta tablecloth, accosts you and your twentysomething college friends in your budget-conscious hotel, offering you free booze if you come party with her obviously drugged teenage friend in an empty hotel room in broad daylight. WHATCHU DO? A) Call the police, B) call in an Amber Alert, or C) go party with Clarabelle Cow and her high school hostage? This is like that movie 8MM. It ain't right. I appreciate the aesthetic of using video to film Reva's flashbacks to what happened with Lizzie in their "lost weekend" but it just was freaky as shit. Let me see if I've got this straight: Jonathan faked his and baby Sarah's deaths to escape Alan. Sarah developed aplastic anemia and needed a bone marrow transplant (i.e., Reva didn't really steal organs, but nevermind) . Lizzie, being Sarah's mother, is the best match. Lizzie cannot be trusted with the knowledge that Jonathan and her daughter, Alan's heir, are alive. Therefore, Reva drugs Lizzie and drags her around a Days Inn for two weeks while getting her plastered, throwing her at random drunken college students, otherwise molesting her and then harvesting her for bone marrow, leaving her with no memory of the event and a butterfly tattoo (hence the pretentious 'title' of this episode) where her surgical scar really is. Nice. Even for Reva that's gross. Come on, GL. It was all shot in such a creepy, amateurish fucking way - there's cinema verite and then there's Reva prowling around a dentist's office. It didn't look edgy like they wanted, it just looked cheap. And Reva's machinations defied reality even more than usual. Nobody my age wants to party with Reva and her fucked up mouth.


...Now, if you tuned in without context, who knows what you would've deduced. You might have thought this episode was about a young girl abducted by a, a terrifying wall of vibrating flesh and gristle, a gorgon-like bull dyke who whisked the ingenue off to a dentist's office for sexual bondage mixed with surgical fetishism. Let's be real, this would be more interesting if, say, Reva and Lizzie really had gotten rip roaring drunk and Reva had fucked her with a strap on. No. No. Wait. I apologize. I am wrong. I do really like Marcy Rylan as Lizzie, though. Good actress, kudos.

I won't talk much about Josh the priest (or, as I call him, Father Pussyhound) today because he was a very minor character in the event and I expect he'll be back for me to take more of the piss later on. Suffice to say, Robert Newman is still a hot daddy but uh, this is just ridiculous. Josh? A priest? No. Come on. No. Josh and his dick are as one. Josh has been fucking Reva for years; after that he would fuck a Cuisinart. Same difference. Although I have to say that the NuCassie is growing on me, to the point where I am not constantly cracking on her with mean tranny jokes. I have never been a fan of the character, going back to the Laura Wright days; she seemed like an unnecessary, fetishized Paul Rauch blonde, with big hair, tits, and attitude, and of course a stripper past. But she's here now, has been for years, and I like the concept of "nice" Cassie's morals crumbling as she fucks with Alan and Beth out of vengeance for Tammy, and colludes with Reva to give her the prison keys. Even if she is with Rev. Poonhunter, the fact remains that for Cassie blood is thicker than Josh's priestly jizz and she wants to see the Spauldings suffer. So she gave her the keys. I dug that.

Not much else to say today after I get finished shuddering over the daily horror that is Reva. Y&R update for the past few days is coming tomorrow, the first of two for the week. A DOOL update will probably come at the end of the week, featuring the hilarious Tony and Anna hijinks, Steve's funky dance, and the continued exploits of Captain Jeremy Horton and Fuck The Sky In The Ass While It Is Passed Out. Today's classic GL clips are some classic scenes from '92 or so, featuring the one, the only Beverlee mothafuckin McKinsey as the only true Alexandra Spaulding, humiliating her husband Roger (Michael Zaslow) at the country club after she discovers his dirty dealings and affair with Mindy Lewis. Because nobody, but nobody fucks with Beverlee McKinsey. Watch and learn, bitches.

She named him Freddie. Oh, well.