Y&R - Fri/Mon/Tues - Blowin' Your Effin' Minds

Before we begin, a song...

La la laaaa la la laaa
Laaaa la laaaa la la laaa

My Cherie Amour, lovely as a summer's day
My Cherie Amour, distant as the Milky Way
My Cherie Amour, pretty little one that I adore
You're the only girl my heart beats for
How I wish that you were mine

"Booooy, if you don't stop...go on."

This is just gonna be a clusterfuck (love this word, need to use it more, writing a note to myself) of a post because 3 hours of anything leaves you nearly braindead. This is fact.

DRU/Neil/Carmen

Dru's return brought vim and vigor to Neil's usual boring self but his mopy expression just ruined the whole thing. Can Dru have a welcome home party without her husband? Yeah, that's what I want. "Neil? What's a Neil?".

Don't get me wrong, I FULLY understand why Neil is mad with her, I would be too (but not for long, it's Dru! You can't stay mad at Dru! Look at that face! God, I am so creepy) however could he handle this any more immaturely? Or seem anymore lame while doing so? He doesn't look like a man taking control of his life, he looks like a boy upset with his mom for not telling him Santa Clause wasn't real (SPOILER!). He's just to pathetic.

THEORY! Neil has a BlackPixie on his shoulder that he actually listens to.

I adored Lily sitting on Dru's lap. That's real, mothers and daughters so that and I like touches of reality inbetween the craziness. I bet Victoria Rowell added that in.

BradBotXP/ClackClackNarmFace

I realize you should write to an actor's strengths and I also realize that Amelia Heinle has few of those but good God, could Victoria's reaction to what she believes was a mere kiss been anymore subdued? I'm good with a cool, steely anger. That's not what that was. I don't know what that was but it wasn't good. You know who she reminds me of now that I think of it, Meredith Grey from Grey's Anatomy. And I double-chocolate chip almond fudge sundae HATE that wishy-washy fright mask-faced bitch.

Okay, okay, her firing Sharon verged on awesome. Now imagine that scene with Heather Tom. Let me know when you finish orgasming.

Sharon/Nick/Phyllis/Jack

That was a pretty dirty move staring so hard at Nick as you made out with Brad, Sharon. I liked it though. I had high hopes you'd continue with that level of attitude but no, never gonna be that lucky. You can't keep a thought in your head for more than a moment, why should we expect you to keep up an emotion?

Was that Nick and Phyllis bar talk absolutely necessary? You're diluting the couple's spark with the overexposure.

Is Jack feeling guilty over what he's doing with Victor? Maybe. He has enough humanity to see how wrong all of this is. I hope.

Michael/Lauren

Who? Oh, right. Michael and Lauren. I forgot they were on this show. So did Lynn Marie Latham apparently. NICE buildup to Michael wanting to find his father, such intricate, layered storytelling. Is my sarcasm destroying your computer screen? Instead we suffer through ClackBot and JT and Colleen while the couple with the ACTUAL FACTUAL chemistry lingers in the background waiting for their limbless baby.

Paul/JT/Colleen

Oh noes! JT's in DAAAAANGER! The suspense, the intrigue, the heartstopping, pulse pounding ac--

Stupid. You bore me. Shut up. Y'all don't even get a picture! I smite you!

And now...

with Linda Dano!

Linda: Hello! Hello! Helllooo! Phew! Thank--thank you, ladies! You are here on a lucky, lucky day! We have a special guest, oh boy do we have a special guest and lemme tell you he is so happy to be here with us! Happy! Woo!

[Audience cheers]


Linda: You might know him, maybe you've seen him over the years on his numerous Fortune 500 covers and him almost toping Forbes wealthiest people liste OR heard of his many philantrophist undertakings OR his many marriages--oopsies! HAHAHA! Here he is, Dog Fancy Magazine's Man of the Year, the incomparable VICTOR NEWMAN!

[The audience loses their fucking minds]

Victor: Ohohoho! Hello Linda!

Linda: Victor, darling, it's been too long!

Victor: Toolong, Iagree!

Linda: Honey, you look good, great! You know I'm always excited to see you!

Victor: AndIyou! I you! Linda, my friend, my good friend.

Linda: So, how have you been? How are things?

Victor: Good! Betterthangood! Perfection! Hohohohoho! You know Linda, IfeellikeaNewMan.

Linda: Play on words! I love it!

Victor: Doyooouknowwhoyouremindmeof? My father.

Linda: Oh! Oh...

Victor: He'sdeadnow.

Linda: Oh, um, I'm sorry.

Victor: ButIsawhimbeforehedied, sonobigdeal. Deal or No Deal! Mygrandsonsaidthattome, I say to him "Whatyoutalkin'boutWillis?" and he say "Grandpawhat'sthat?" andthenItellhimaboutArnoldandMrDrummond. He'ssotiny! Sad story!

Linda: Um, yes, so tragic. Oh! We have a commercial! We'll be ri--

Victor: Commercial! Hellomother! Hellofather! Fleasticksmosquitosreallybotherthanksforthepackagethat'swhyI'mwriting
K9Adavantixreallystopallthebiting! It does! Zapato! Idon't know why hedidnottellmehedidacommercial!

[Victor does a gun firing gesture towards the camera with his hand and winks. The audience sits there awkwardly]