DOOL - Jase Does Thursday - Katch and Payla

Darn: I'm gonna tape Days when Hogan starts. I am so SO happy about that, you have no idea.
Jase: As am I. Actually, I'm starting now because I hear he's already got people on the scene. "His people." His plants are everywhere. Slitting the throats of the existing dialogue writers. While they sleep. Spouses, kids, they gotta go too, gotta look like an accident. "I dunno, Mr. Corday, they just, you know, they're dead, I dunno, I gotta get my guys in here to pick up the slack!"
Darn: Didn't he do the same at ATWT? He got in early to set up his stories?
Jase: I have no idea. The good news is they can keep the same food budget for both Reilly and Hogan. Except Sheffer probably doesn't eat street children whole. In tubs of butter. So wait, now what the fuck will Patch and Kayla do? When he gets his memory back? I mean, I love em but really.
Darn: They're bringing on their daughter. And Hogan can write for adults, I don't worry much. But shit do a lot of people need to be fired off that show.
Jase: I'm out of touch, I'm not sure how many. I think "EJ" was supposed to be Elvis, Jr. (Little Elvis) James Scott IS British, so was Edmund or whoever, Susan's guy.
Darn: SORAS is fun! That's crazy. I like the Benjy Dimera theory.
Jase: One or the other, MAYBE, but Hogan supposedly hates diMeras. Which is smart IMHO.
Darn: I have to agree. No matter how they try they all end up stupidly evil.
Jase: Hey, when was the last time JERk used one?
Darn: Tony, I think. And that turned out so well.
Jase: Good old Tony.

Ooh, I love me some Katch and Payla! So glad they're back. Katch and Payla, Payla and Katch. And I'm already annoyed with myself. That joke died a brutal, swift death on the highway. Okay, next.

Let's get one thing clear, Days of our Lives. I didn't come back for your tired whorish ass. I came back for Hogan Sheffer, only Hogan Sheffer, and I expect to be properly serviced by the man when he gets here. Serviced. I mean this shit better be The Iliad. I had to sit through the Salem Stalker storyline, I still have PTSD from that and the Magical PDAs of Death the Stalker/Marlena (because it was Marlena, dammit, that crazy fucking dyke, I don't know how that town looks her in the eye) used to use. So this better be good. And I gotta say? The laughs may be kept to a minimum today, because so far, it is good. I was really impressed today with my first day back, actually; the really clunky Reilly dialogue was kept to a minimum and people seemed human, dialogue, conversation seemed to flow honestly, candidly, for the most part.



The scenes with Matt Ashford and Steve Nichols were especially excellent. I am thinking the rumors that Sheffer's people are already taking over the writing are true. Steve Nichols is still hot as fuck and just proves yet again he can play anything; total departure from Stefan, of course. And Matt Ashford, despite IMHO giving the performance of his career as the Music Box Killer on OLTL, is still great as Jack, even if Reilly has pretty much reduced him to Emasculated Dying Neutered Boy. I so hope Hogan identifies him as a Craig-type - the characters are very similar - and restores him to former glory. Or at least not constant undeath. Dammit.

Now we have to talk about Kristian Alfonso. You know what's coming. Okay? We all know what this is. I feel like I'm watching a bootleg of Todd Haynes' Superstar every time I look at her. This shit has gone too far. Too far! That bitch has got to be 70 lbs now. She was an extra from The Nightmare Before Christmas. Jesus H. And what the fuck was with her hair? All long and flowing in one scene, and in the next she's all Princess Gina, sharp chopped haircut? I mean, what - what was in her wineglass, saline solution? That bitch is half-dead. I can't even root for Bope to get it together, I mean, look at her, she's terrifying. But worse is that evil-ass Chelsea, Georgia, whoever. What a terrible little hoette. Killed the baby, covered it up, cheated and framed her dad, no remorse. Hogan's not going to be able to salvage her ass like Katie Peretti IMHO. Just ship her off along with Billie. Who, BTW, I loved when it was The One True Billie, but even with her back, Billie has no purpose left on this show. Julie Pinson is doing fine, but there's no point. Just dump 'em both. Dump 'em, dump that fugly girl playing Belle, dump Jason Cook, dump Kyle Brandt, dump fuckin' Josh Taylor, dump even Dee and Drake, I don't care, recast where you will - whatever. Mary Beth Evans is luminous, BTW. But we all knew that. Thank God she got out of her commitment to play Paige on OLTL.

Shawn and Mimi are darling together even if I don't care for Jason Cook, but if he is going, I say recast. Though I imagine Hogan might just cut 'em together, which I would be fine with - I like the couple, but they only have so much purpose. I hate Belle but I see where she might have more purpose with a decent recast. I also have to say it was such a thrill to turn from OLTL and see an interesting, soapy, non-tokenish black storyline on DOOL with Lexie, Abe, and Tek, even if she is a cheatin' ho. Stories aside, Abe and Lexie are great characters played by wonderful actors and the Saint of Llanview is...not. I was drawn into that whole mess with Tek and Lexie immediately with little knowledge of context. Have the Williamsons on OLTL ever been able to say the same? For me, no, and the reason is because they are, IMHO, a condescension to the audience. One boring flawless character does not a black presence on the soaps make, Mr. Frons. But I digress. Lexie's hoing was fun. But damn, Renee Jones is looking like Paula Abdul.

I know this is still DOOL but seriously, Kayla, from what I understand, and I may be wrong, Bo helped his son's murderer cover up the crime. Hope has a right to be angry. Step off. Now is not the time to drag them together in public and be like "c'monnnn, guuuuyyyss!" Woman, this is not like The Parent Trap. They did not have some misunderstanding or some petty affair or some diMera brainwashing. He was an accomplice to the murder of his son! Let Hope be furious! I will say Peter Reckell did a good job today. He seemed natural and human in his dialogue with his family, which he never has under Reilly - usually he just comes off as a mildly deranged hick. Sorry, Mr. Reckell. I blame the show. I don't blame you. Don't come to my house with a lighter, a dishrag, and a bottle of whiskey.

Tomorrow, the physical masterwork that is James Scott. Mmmm. I don't know how regular this thing will be for me as opposed to Darn, but I will try to stay regular-esque. OLTL update coming up later. That is going to be fun. And by 'fun,' I mean 'wiffle bat to the teeth.'