Y&R - Tuesday & Wednesday - Cleopatra Comin' Atcha!

Okay, get ready for it, I'm about to hit you up like a whore at a Friar's Club Convention! Let's go!

TUESDAY

Jill's tits say hello : "Hellllllo!"

Nikki: This--this is the ULTIMATE BETRAYAL! Until...until the next betrayal! But right now? Right now it's the ULTIMATE BETRAYAL! I will never, ever forgive you, Victor! Until I forgive you! But not before then! NOT BEFORE!

Poor Zapato. Traumatized for life. A few months ago and I would have been "TIMBER!" but now I'm all worried about Victor. What the hell?

I like that Nikki put her call to Victor on speakerphone. That way she could sustain her bitchface while also checking on her husband.

Brad: Patronize. Patronize. Patronize.
Neil: Yessum. Yessum. Yessum.

Yeah, you shut up Brad. But you shut up more Neil. You know what? I'm taking it. I am taking it. Hand it over. That's right, your Black Card is mine. Now I have two and you have none and you won't get it back until your balls drop and you start being a fucking man.

I like Judith Chapman. I like Greg Rikkart. I love Christian LeBlanc. But holy crap do Gloria, Kevin and Michael suck right now. They just tricked KATHERINE AND JILL. I'm sorry but no, Kay knows when shit doesn't smell right. Glad she caught on. But she DID NOTHING ABOUT IT.

Everyday Gloria gets called a new Disney Villainess. Since this is a double posting she's Cruella De Ursula. Which means she kills puppies with her tentacles.

WEDNESDAY

Nick: So...ever been in a club?
Phyllis: Um, sure, sure, I was a Brownie actually.
Nick: Huh. It's hard for me to imagine you, Phyllis, firecracker that you are, as a Brownie.
Phyllis: Yeah, me too and I was there. But--but why'd you ask?
Nick: I was thinking maybe you'd like to join another one. A club, I mean.
Phyllis: Oh, really? What's it called?
Nick: Mile. High. Bomchicki-bomwaaaaaaah!
Phyllis: Nick?
Nick: BOMCHICKI-BOMWAAAAAAAAAHH! [thrust thrust thrust]

Or

Nick: You ever been in the Dumbo ride?
Phyllis: Ah, ah, ah, no, I've never been to Disneyland!
Nick: No, no, not Disneyland, the Dumbo riiiide! [Nick gestures to his crotch] This ride isn't known for it's big ears, it's known for it's big ass trunk. What. What.

They see me rollin';
They hatin'.
Patrollin'
And tryin. to catch me ridin. dirty.
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty.
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty.
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty.
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty.

"It's been awhile since you yelled out my name with that much intensity." Clearly Joshua Morrow enjoyed saying that line. It was cute the way they built up to Nick holding Phyllis' hand, with the close-ups of her hand throughout the episode and him staring at it.

Victor holding Zapato!!! while asking "Why was I on the floor?" is alternately one of the most creepy, adorable, frightening, sweet, hilarious and just plain weird things I have ever seen. Victor is gonna be maaaaaad when he gets better.

With those cops suddenly the African-American population of Genoa City doubled. At least since I took away Neil's Black Card. That's right and YOU'RE NOT GETTING IT BACK!

Victoria: Wrrrrrrr.
Brad: You are a woman of great fortune, you know that?
Victoria: Wrrrrrrr--ratitat--wrrrrrrrr!
Brad: I love you, Victoria.
Victoria: WRRRRRRRRRR. CLINK. I'm sorry, were you saying something, BradLEE? I can't hear a thing when my teeth are self-cleaning! Oh right, yes, we were robbed! I'm scared! Hold me!

HeatherTomwillbeatyourass.

Is the break-in part of the new headwriters "flashes of realism" thing or whatever it was called or part of Brad's past? The real question is, do we care? Honestly? Maybe. If they can make it interesting. Only then.

JT and Colleen: WHO ARE WE? WE'RE COMPLETELY INCONSEQUENTIAL! PLEASE IGNORE US!

Will do!