GH - Mon/Tues - Scratch 'n Sniff Ho

(Scene: The lake house. Ric and Sam have pressed the meat. The afterglow is in full effect.)

Ric (sniffing the air) : Hey...hey, you smell that?


Sam: oh my god what the fuck barbeque. just do not speak to me.
Ric: No, no, come on...come on, you gotta smell that. Did the septic system back up when the generator went down? Jesus. What is that? It smells like...death in the Bayou. Like poached eggs and menstruation!
Sam: Maybe you're smelling your own sin, Riiic. Maybe you're smelling what you did to me.
Ric: Jigga what? Sam -
Sam: Oh, you knows what you dids. You knows! You...m-mounted me just to get one over on Jason. This was all about Jason. But you know what, it's never gonna happen again, and that's because Jason's gonna shoot you when he finds out! So smell your sin while you can, Ric! Smell it! While your olfactory senses still work!


Ric: Uh-huh, okay. (snif snif) Sam, is that...I don't know of a delicate way to put this, is...is that...you?


Sam (clutching her clothes to herself) : What? What? What the hell are you talking about now, Ric? I don't want to hear any more of your filth! It's bad enough that you roofied me and date raped me like a common trick!
Ric: Date rape? Date rape? Bitch, you crazy! I - seriously, how can you not smell that? Sam, it's - it's coming off you in waves, I'm not trying to go for a cheap shot, but honestly, it, I, I was in Rangoon once, in some really horrible areas, with, you know, the dead, and it kind of smelled like that. It smells like the killing fields, okay?! It smells like...Neosporin, diapers, and whipped cream! Sam, how long have you been wearing those clothes? Why are you just putting them back on? Listen, the shower still works - we have a garden hose -
Sam: What, so you can rape me with it? Like Ray Liotta did in that movie? Fuck Ray Liotta! Fuck your shower, Ric! Fuck your shower and fuck you! You're a monster, Ric! A monster and Jason is going to put you down for me! The whole time you were with me you were thinking of Jason! Jason, Jason, Jason!


Ric: Okay, Sam, look - look, just, just calm down and listen, just sniff the air, because there are spots...in front of my eyes...guh...Sam, please...please...it smells like week old raw mutton with about a gallon of White Diamonds poured all over it...


Sam: Well, I'm sorry you don't like my fragrance of the day, Ric, but unfortunately I didn't put it on for fucking you! Besides, White Diamonds has always brought me luck! Until now! Until fucking now!
Ric (coughing) : Sam, you gotta listen to me, okay, we're far from the road; we're on the edge of the woods. The...the animals, of the forest, they will come here if they smell you. We are not prepared for their first wave! Sam, we have no locust screens on the doors, you have to act fast! Koff koff! Ah, God, my lungs are filling! I am begging you, burn those clothes!


Sam: Oh - why, Ric? Why, so you can just get me naked again and have nonconsensual sex with me that is all about JASON again?! Jason, he is fifteen times the man you are, fifteen hundred times! I just picked that number out of the air, it could've been any number, because you are slime, Ric, you are an insect! For what you have done to me! You and your frigid bitch wife! God, you sicken me!
Ric (doubling over, hacking) : Gah! Ugh! Muh! Sam! Sam - I can hear them! I can hear the animals! They're angry, Sam, you've made them angry! You've violated their ecosphere! Sam, for Christ's sake, your dress has my biological...material...all over it...how can you just wear that?


Sam: It's something you could never understand, Ric. See, unlike you, I wasn't born with a bunch of silver dicks in my mouth! My family struggled and scrimped, we didn't have your Ivy League schools or your perfect clothes, sometimes we even made clothes, we had to make it work! Just like I have to every day! I put my clothes on, I'm good to go! You know what you're smelling, Ric, you're smelling reality, you're smelling a real woman, without all your snooty white-collar pretensions! So take a whiff, motherfucker! Take a huge fucking whiff!
Ric: Gaaauugghh! (collapses)

...And then she vomited on it, wiped vomit on it, and went back to the lake house still wearing it! What the fuck, Sam? What the fuck? Wat teh fukc??!!!111

Seriously though, kids, it's good to be back. I am sorry I have been gone while Darn has been biting my style every single day for weeks. I was working hard for the money, so hard for it honey, pretty much 5 days straight all week long for five to six weeks, trying to make that paper for the summer and for when I finish school in the winter. But I am back now, and trying to get back into the swing of things. It doesn't help that I have to now follow DOOL again, as it's getting very good as the new writers are now on the scene. Yes, there will be some kind of Austin and Carrie memorial post. "Austin and Carrie: Nazi Vanilla Pecan Love Fantasy."

GH and Guza have to be trying to sabotage Sam a la Courtney, etc. Only Sam would go that bugshit after willingly fucking Ric and make it all about Jason, then come back to the house and still give Alexis attitude. And I'm sorry, let me first qualify this: I detest Jason and Steve Burton and want them off the show immediately. And, I hated Jason/Liz (Jiz: Rich and consistent) in the '90s, I've hated every Liz pairing except the one with Greg Vaughan's Lucky, but this


was the hottest shit I have seen on the show since Ted King and Tamara Braun in Ric's panic room. Unbelievable. And then the tenderness, oh laws, Teh Tenderness. The sweet talk and romantic discussion. Wistful lovelinesss. Mmmm. Mmmm. I am no Liz fan...person...but that was incredible material and I agree that this has to be more than a one nighter and then back to Lucky and Sam for good. Or it should be more, anyway. Burton was even more into it than she was.

I don't even know what those scenes with Lulu, Dillon, and Georgie were. I was completely focused on Scott Clifton's chest and nipples through his shirt. I'm sorry. I don't understand why Dillon is so fucking casual and civil with Lulu now either. "Oh, you broke up me and my wife, haha, no biggies! Later, girlfrenn!"

Low on snark because I am just getting back and frankly a lot of scenes have been good these last two days. God help me. I hope some of y'all missed me. I will get on OLTL and DOOL later.