Aug 15, 2006

Y&R - Tues - Are You There, God? It's Me, Nutjob

GOD: Why is everybody fucking with me today? The hell? I got shit to do, Nicole! I spent good time turning you from a stripper to the wife of a multi-billionaire. If you can't keep your shit straight, what am I to do? I've got 5,999,999,999 more of you motherfuckers! And this nattering old bitch, Glo--Gloria? Yeah, her. She's asking for shit too! And she killed somebody, on purpose! See, I LIKE John Abbott, he's a good dude, THAT IS WHY I taking him away from that cornucopia of crazy he calls a wife.

: God, I know I'm the LAST person that should be here--
God: Shit! >crash< Dropped the cure for AIDS, thanks dumbass. What do you want?
Gloria: My husband, John, he's--he's dying--
God: I know these thing, hello, check the name. Next!
Gloria: Please, dear Lord, please, my husband, John, he can--
God: I know what you're asking for and I said "Next!" because if you think for one MeDamn minute that I'm gonna help YOUR nutty ass you have another think coming.
Gloria: But--
God: Shut up.
Gloria: But God, come on--
God: Shut. Up.
Gloria: Bu--but--
God: Smite.

I guess they needed to remind us that everyone else is Catholic/Presbyterian/Baptist/Etc. to balance out the one Jew. Genoa City was almost overrun with synagogues! I got scared!

Let's take a moment to appreciate Peter Bergman and Eileen Davidson and Jeanne Cooper and Jess Walton before we dig into NuBilly. They're all pretty great, aren't they? You can feel the emotion. I'm sure some of those tears are for losing a co-star that they love.

Okay, the newbie who literally STARTED TODAY gets an emotional deathbed scene with John. Yeah, that's gonna resonate. "Is he even gonna know who I am?" What do you think, motherfucker? You just got there! You went from wardrobe to the set! Jerry's thinking "I thought David was coming back?! Forget this, I'm going to sleep!". Speaking of John/Jerry, doesn't he look a bit like The Joker with his hair the way it is with him lying on the bed.

Dru is a fun drunk. Neil wasn't a fun drunk. Point 2,980,789,8764,921,234.78 to Dru.

I made a commitment to posting about this show and God ("WHAT?!"), I don't want to but it WAS on the show. It happened. Can't be ignored. The reliquary nonsense. Let's get to it.

They found a bomb, if that isn't motherfukin' apropo, I don't know what the motherfuck is.

What did they call you in high school, Brad? Thunder Thighs Kaplan? He just murdered someone with his thighs! What in the holy fuck are we watching here? I don't understand? I don't understaaaaaaand! It's like some sort of sick mindfuck. First of all you put Brad, JT and Sharon in a room with a bomb that doesn't go off! That's not right. It's NOT RIGHT. So close yet so far. And then the music stops and the show turns into a low rent production of West Side Story. Ooooh, Brad's confronting the man who killed his family, why should we care when Don Diamont goes from 0 to 1 on the emotional scale? Let's scrap this and rethink all of the characters involved in this tale. It's been uniformly awful.

Though it did make me go out and look for pics from West Side Story and this is just priceless.

Brad and George back in the day


janie said...

Brad challenging the bad guy to a throwdown was a total WTF? moment. "I'm giving you the chance you never gave my family." Huh?

I was kind of interested in the "what's Brad's past" storyline, right up until we found out what it actually was. that plot has gone down in sucktacular flames ever since.

kia said...

It's like Interview with the Vampire. "I'll give you the choice I never had, Louis. Louis. Hey, Brad. Quit looking at Thandie Newton and pay attention to meeeeee."

Brad killed a man with his thighs. There is no way to make that sound better. And that's the sad part.

crc said...

Darn, you crack me up, down, sideways...

Brad murdered someone with his thighs!?! Hilarious!

books said...

Oh my gosh - you are sooo funny!

Pandora said...

Darn, I don't know where you got that WWS photo, but it is priceless. I just wish you had photoshopped Brad and George's heads onto it. Or hey, maybe JT and Paul. Woohoo!

Smart Alec said...

I guess they needed to remind us that everyone else is Catholic/Presbyterian/Baptist/Etc. to balance out the one Jew. Genoa City was almost overrun with synagogues! I got scared!

I heart you. Soooo funny!

smartyshorts said...

Ok, ok. So...there was a bomb. Or two...and then a ...knife fight? And a Son of a Nazi? And some...henchperson? I think I got all that.
When Brad said..."no matter what happens, everyone stay back" I thought it was funny that everyone just stepped back and was like...okay. And made some popcorn.
That was just horrifying. And kind of funny, but mostly horrifying.

smartyshorts said...

I forgot the moment when Brad looked at the Cross, like "It's just me and you now Brutha!"

Darn said...

And then, and then Brad pulls out his giant Star of David and the forces of religious symbolism have a fight to the death!

Imagine it like the lightsaber fights in Star Wars except with a cross and a star of David. Waaaoooh! Wooooaaah!