OLTL - Oh, Mary, Lordy
So...Jesus, I can't. Let me not. I won't.
I will.
Okay, jase has been working and...he got bit. By a dog. I don't know what the fuck. He lives a crazy, drug-fueled, diamond-encrusted, sex-driven, dangerous life. I'm envious. Anyway, that's why I'm getting to this before him. Oh, I think I just PWNED your ass, jase! PWNED!
For some UNGODLY reason Mary J. Blige was on One Life to Live last week. I haven't a clue why. Did Mary need some pocket change? Because you know they probably paid her in pennies because OLTL has money for nothing except big ass planes that waste our time and patience. Did Brian Frons drug her, drag her back to the studio and tell her it was Madision Square Garden? WHY, MARY, WHY?!
First of all, let's get this out of the way: You look beautiful but when do you not?
"--the hell? Where am I? This is not Madison Square Garden. Where did that bald man with the beard go?"
Heather Tom is like "Oh...oh, okay." Look at that smile. It could kill small children with the awkwardness. I'm not mad at the actors, I'm sure they were intimidated by an actual famous person.
Central Casting: Central Casting, how can I help you?
OLTL Casting Director: Hi, yes...um, I'm not sure how to put this--okay, well, I'm the casting director of One Life to Live and I need some extras.
CC: Okay, I'm I can help you with that. What type of extras are you looking for? You know, ages, male, female, etc.
OLTLCD: Uh...you know, um...wow, okay, black people?
CC: Okay! Any other specifics?
OLTLCD: Black people?
CC: Okay...is that it?
OLTLCD: Pretty much. Copious amounts of black people. For one scene. One day. That's it. Don't make them think this is a recurring thing, God no! [nervous laughter]
Director: Come on! Put your hands up! On cue! Wave them awkwardly! Act like you know this song! Make happy noises! MAKE HAPPY, EXCITABLE NOISES!
Crowd: Woo!
"You can't tell but I am currently giving this woman a gynelogical exam. Stay tuned for the results! I think someone's got her visit from Aunt Imabitch!"
Evangeline Williamson: Tragic Mulatto
Now with less Mulatto
WHHHHHHHY????!!!!
Mary, I do respect you for lipsynching, they don't deserve The Voice!
That's honestly 8 minutes of my life I'll never ever get back. Mary's great, love her but OLTL is a claptrap of horseshit and no number of talented people is gonna make it better than garbage. I don't like seeing someone of her caliber slumming.
DO BETTER, MARY!
3 comments:
Bless you Darn.
I have no idea how or why Mary was there and I wish to forget the whole thing ever took place.
Evangeline as tragic mulatto? Funny, because that's the way I kind of view her. She is the acceptable black woman for ABC. She won't talk out of turn. She won't cause trouble. She won't scheme. She'll risk her life and career for others. She's perfect for the network.
I will regain my spot, ho.
Right after I deal with this VICIOUS DOG BITE.
HAHA! Dog bite! Your pain amuses me.
Evangeline as tragic mulatto? Funny, because that's the way I kind of view her. She is the acceptable black woman for ABC. She won't talk out of turn. She won't cause trouble. She won't scheme. She'll risk her life and career for others. She's perfect for the network.
Gotta agree. I said that because well, she's such a Mary Sue. And you don't see very many black Mary Sues. I'm waiting for her to sacrifice herself for one of her many non-black suitors (the one black she dated if The One Black Man in town and hated by almost everyone, yay for diversity!), then she'll be a true TM.
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